No... That's not it

And yes, we're back to the same old argument again. And it's always sad to lose a friend, and have to go through the uncertainty of your relationship ever being made up or whatever... It's time to finally understand the meaning of the haiku:

A world of dewdrops.

And in every drop of dew;

A world of struggle.

Well... It's life I guess.

It sucks so much it makes you want to bite off your own tongue or drown yourself sometimes... Just a few days before Tioman, I found out a new way the world can kill you. Not you physically; they reserve that for the most basest and banal of crimes. After all, physical death is the type of death least painful to endure.

No, no; this is the way they kill us; our ideals, our creativity, our very souls. If not by letting you see their point of view, then by making you see their point of view; if not by making you see their point of view, then by making theie point the only one that matters.

I guess it's just another form of control to them; it's always easier to control anyone if they all wear the same things, do the same things, eat the same food. In other words, conform. And a few days ago, I learned I had to be myself in some other way.

How absolutely oxymoronic. But they expect you to do it. After all, if someone else can pay that price for conformity... why not you?

I won't give up though. Call me rebellious, call me whatever you like; I've seen too much, known too much, and I have too much to do to be bogged down by such moronic bindings and strictures. I've known too many people who've had that same spark; some who have lost it by now, some who lasted longer, and others who still stand up for what's fair and good and right. And I've caught that same spark, and known how much it has to hurt to keep it, just as how I used to imagine fireflies would burn in my hand once I caught them. But keep it I will. If not for me, then for my friends who lost the battle. If not now, then one day, when I have the power, and the will, and the right to show it... They'll see. They won't kill my soulfire; not with things like this. Not against a spark, or a flame, but a blazing inferno.

I guess a lesson here is that you should never rule by fear. Or intimidation. Or manipulation. You get followers, yes... agents which do their job to the best they can. Yet, agents, who you can never trust, because of the very fact that though the sealed the deal, the deal is not on your agenda. It's on theirs. Doing the wrong thing, for the right reason... bindings take on a life of their own, and sometimes metamorphose into something that you will never expect it to be... Something like that is almost certain to come back and bite you in the butt. Unpredictability... Of all people, we should be the ones who know how fast the weather can change.