Thoughts on my life

I wonder who reads this. Hmm.

I have decided I hate the 1-star course. I've been stressing out over when to take it (not really, it's just been bugging me), and who to find to take with me, because I'm so scared to take it myself that I can't bring myself to print out the damn form and call them up again.

I really hate this life sometimes. I wish I could just go off somewhere far away from people, with just like one or two of my friends and spend time with them. I've taken to sleeping the whole day today just to make the day go faster. And I'm going to do that for later tonight too. Immediately when I'm done with Lit, I'll just go to sleep. After packing everything for ODAC first, of course. Just thinking of PT made me groan. zzz.

Haizz. If I could I'll quit this school and travel around the world or something. Not for fun, but to find something I've lost. I'm so... weary of everything here. It's not boring, it's only tiring on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays or if I have a lot of work... but I think I've grown tired of what I'm doing all this time. It's not like I want to go to army sooner, or anything. But I want to just go away from all this nonsense and think things. Away from school and Astro and ODAC and everything.

Everything and everyone that used to make me look forward to coming to school is either gone, dead, or changed. So many teachers have gone, and they all seem to be the ones who are actually good. So many things about my CCAs have changed, and now that I've handed over Astro, it's like some midlife crisis thing; I have nothing to live for anymore. A few more weeks to help them clear up stuff, APs in a few months, a few more emails, 3 more terms of modules to get the stupid diploma... Then what? There's nothing left anymore. I don't even have an urge to get 1-star anymore, and that was something I have been looking forward to in such a long time. Next, what? 2-star? Hah, I've given up on that dream. As well as being an OBS instructor. I don't even know if I want to take the physio modules anymore.

It's like slowly, throughout the course of my time here, I've been drained of everyone and everything I loved. I used to be able to rattle of long lists of Astro facts and various topics; now I can't even remember most of the facts about subatomic particles. I used to aim for Gold in Napfa, and feel really happy when I got 26 points. Now I don't think I can even get a pass. My pull-ups have become terrible, I have to try so hard to get to a double digit number. I'm angry at myself for being phail in everything, and getting angry at myself for being always angry and depressed, and getting angry over things and people for the stupidest reasons. I can't stand ODAC because of the noise in the room, and I'm starting to hate the sound of laughing, talking people every time I go for it. Everyone else is busy with other things, or other people, and I can hardly get a word in edgewise sometimes.

I can hardly bother about the A level results; I wouldn't be surprised if I failed. I guess a lot of things just don't matter alot to me already.

Theo misses...

His Aaron. I wish we were still in hostel. I wish he didn't have Chinese. I wish he would be more free and have more time to play with me. D: Too bad none of those wishes will come true. Or when they do, it will be too late.

I wonder what Alain's doing in Australia. Suddenly I have this really strong desire to go back to Temasek to find people... Until I realised that even if I go back they won't be there anymore. I miss them a lot, and all the whiny lovesick songs on my playlist aren't helping either.

I can't believe I'm going to be 18 soon. Ben's already 18... Maybe I'll ask him to buy that Jolly Shandy thing for me. I wanna try it, but I think it'll taste sort of like mountain dew. Which now I have a craving for.

I wonder if Wenny can come with me to do my 1-star. I very scared to go myself.

I miss Sylvie too. All the random things in Lit class. Like doing those funny drawings for Ms Koh. And only she and Celine could draw... And how she'll get off the train at Cheenatown. Or at Outram la, cause she lives at Cheenatown.

I want to donate blood on my birthday. Johno says he's coming but I think he may forget. He forgot to fix my toaster for like... EVER. Poor toasty... At least now I'm very sure he can never start a fire in my room. He just won't stay on unless I'm pressing his toaster lever down, which means staring at him. So it's very safe. Maybe they should make all toasters like that. There won't be a single toaster fire next time.

I miss all the long days last time. When we came to school and there was the ring and we had so much fun, and we had an enemy (his/her name rhymes with "enemy"), and we slacked around, and a 2 hour break in the middle of our day was heaven, something coveted, and when we got it we were so happy and everything. When we would all wait for each other before making the great pilgrimage home, and Johno would get off the 196 bus, and we'll watch him walk off and never, ever, except once look back at the bus, and we'll all take up this huge area on the floor of the train and sit down, then stone until it was our stop.

I feel like I'm fighting demons floating around my head. My head feels heavy, I'm super tired yet sleeping does little to no help, I'm eternally depressed, from one thing to another. Life has made me sad. I won't be surprised if I find myself killing myself or something. *yawns*

I think I'll shower, and sleep now. It's getting kind of late, even though 96% of the people in my level will probably say otherwise.

IT'S LATE, PEOPLE! IT'S PAST 9! HOW IS THAT EARLY!? gah. *emos and falls asleep in tears*

Astro handover

It's weird being the only ODAC member who doesn't have 1-star. Hmm...

And it feels weird to have handed over Astro le. It's fine cause it's all finally over and we don't have to be hounded by people or bothered to plan sessions or stuff like that, but it feels kind of lonely. And it's so different. I think we need to have a session where all the old EXCO members go out to eat. We did that yesterday night at Subway, but we weren't full strength yet. Mao and Josh and Ewin and the Year 5s weren't there, so it was kind of a small group. But it was still fun.

Oh, I won 20 dollars of adidas vouchers. Great huh. Anyhow go eat eat, then got some scratch and win thing. Then who knew really kena "Congratulations! You have won $20 worth of adidas vouchers! Please redeem your prize immediately at the counter."

I didn't even know at first la. Scratched it off a little bit with my nails, then saw congratulations. Then I was like cheh. Must be coke. Or chips, or a free meal or something. Then turned out it was adidas vouchers when I borrowed a coin to scratch it off fully. So amazing. Then went to redeem la. Now got adidas vouchers for dunno what. I rarely buy anything from adidas anyways hahas. Too expensive. So get ready for an influx of adidas presents from me. LOL.

We went back to the school afterwards; went to settle EXCO stuff. I need to send the new positions and all to so many people later on, and type emails and stuff. But who cares, really... We're done, and that's all that matters, I guess. Even though it's a little sad and all.

There's so much homework to do! There's Lit which is due on Monday. And I need to start doing English as well; that woman wants 4 or so more essays on newspaper stuff. Very irritating to do. Then there's the presentation too. And the results of the Math test will come back. SUPER SCARY...

I need to take 1-star by myself now. And I thought that when I finally took it I'll have like so many people taking with me. It seems like every time I try to take it something crops up. Sick, nobody going, stupid plans changing... ZZZ

Hmm I forgot I need to come up with the final workplan. I think I'll just do like a rough draft. It's irritating to keep changing things around.

I remembered something! We saw a three-legged cat. I think it was born without the fourth leg, because there isn't a stump or something. It's just like a normal cat, but without a leg. Yeahh. Poor cat. We miaomiao at it then it loped over. And like stone at us. Then we had to go back to school le, cause Astro starting le.

I think it's really irritating when everyone around you has a girlfriend. Last time it was fun going to school. Now it's damn sian. Always people busy or what. Or want to go out with gf. Or spend whole day jalan jalan. Zzz. Now very boring to go school le. Only go lesson, then ODAC then Astro. In between is eat only. Haizz.

A short post

Is it supposed to be disturbing if you only feel truly joyful watching sitcoms? I've been watching The Nanny, The Simpsons, or the Fairly Odd Parents everyday for quite some time now, and recently it's only during these times in which I feel happy and can forget everything that's happened. Every other time there's like something hovering over me, and draining all my will to socialise and be happy and stuff. I'm sorry Johno if it's affecting my attitude or whatever at ODAC, but I hope you'll understand. And yes, I've reasoned it all out, and there's nothing that seems to be making me sad and all, and there's no reason for me to carry it over to CCA time, and in spite of anything that's happened, is happening or could happen, there's no use mulling over it or feeling sad, and after all that I know you'll try to say, I still feel sad. And that's just it I guess.

I have 80 years or so here. Therefore, I don't think little things like this matter a lot anymore. Hopefully, I won't even have to die XD

is happiness part of relativity too?

I refuse to talk about ODAC.

Astro was fun. I need to get pictures from Kenneth first; I'll continue this post with all the pics attached.

Hmm. No pics for now. Kenneth left them in hostel, and no one is online yet. So I'll continue with the story XD

We rushed out to buy drinks and stuff cause it was so late already. Then met Tan Li on the way, which was lucky because it turned out there was so many things to carry. And I didn't even get to shower first. We bought ice and drinks and cups and tissue, then lug all the way back to school. Just in the nick of time, we finished everything. Started the attendance taking, then food. Rationed EVERYTHING. We have to get more Hawaiian pizzas. They go really fast.

We went abit crazy near the end of the party; we stacked all 24 boxes up on a table, and Mr Lim  started pulling them out from the bottom. He did this twice, then Mr Wong, and I think Mr Tien. Then I tried it, and it actually worked! Hahahas. Then we had a 2 way pull-off, and it worked too! Amazing la, we were like on a roll. So we decided to try pulling out 4 at one go. But it failed miserably. I think there's a video of it somewhere. I have to find it later. We almost did it but in the end the thing collapsed. Sad right?

We cleaned up the place after that, and moved on to splitting them up into groups. Then played games while I walked around stoning. Too tired to play bah. Then dismissal; in the end, it was quite a short session. But it was fun. And it's still kind of sad that this is probably the last session we're going to plan. And we're going to graduate so soon. And yes, a year will pass really fast. That's one thing I've learned, from so many places; seniors and teachers, from Mr Lim to Eugene and Reiko.

One more year. And that's it. Yet I don't feel happy, or actually, after the initial sadness has worn off, I don't feel much at all. I guess I already feel detached from this school; after I drop astro it's just going to get worse. I think that's what I do; I cut ties early on so they hurt less in the end. Did I do this when I left TMS? Maybe. Actually, make that a probably so. My di thinks so too. When I went back to see Alain off, or just go for their celebrations of stuff, I just didn't feel connected anymore. I felt like just a stranger coming back and stalking some of them.

And that's the way I feel right now. I didn't feel like I belonged here since I came into the school; no matter how much I tried to distract myself with orientation in Yr 3, singing songs, trying to act hyper in games, or laughing at really lame and stupid things, being enthu for cheer, always going out in hostel, sleeping in other people's rooms, doing illegal stuff in the various hostel rooms, sneaking Mitch inside, cooking food, playing Maple, having people sleepover with me, fighting the system with every opportunity I got, trying to keep myself happy in spite of everything that's happening around me... It just didn't work. It just doesn't work. Deep down I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere; I wasn't a Temasekian anymore, I'm not bound anyway to this school or it's people. And no matter how many people, or how many times they told me that it'll be okay, or they'll be here for me no matter what, or that we'll keep in touch, or any promises they made; it never held a ring a truth in the words. I guess it's true that you're all alone in this world, despite anyone you meet, or any friends you make.

Right now, I don't feel like I could be as happy as before ever again.

WHY DO THINGS KEEP CHANGING!!

Aaron changed my display picture today. He cam-whored himself and took a picture on my phone and put it as my wallpaper. It's quite a good photo though, so I think I'm going to keep it there. Now everytime I pick up my phone I have to think twice before I realise it is my phone and not someone else's.

I still have Lit to do. I can't believe I haven't done it la. Got mindmap and something else; I can't remember what so I can only do it in school tomorrow. Sucks.

At least there's no Math and ODAC tomorrow. So it's just Bio, then break till Lit, then break from 3-6.30 then Astro. Kinda a huge difference, because last week was the super-duper-uktra-hiong Friday, and now it's the I-have-alot-of-free-time Friday. Hmm...

*UPDATE AT 9PM*

EVERYTHING IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!

I have to go for an extra PT session tomorrow because if not my attendance for Saturday won't be taken, even though it's not that I'm ponning the Saturday, I'm just taking it on another day. And I was planning to go out and buy stuff for astro welcome party, and spend the afternoon settling the schedule for the night session and the games and the groups. And I still have to draw up a workplan, which I'm starting to have ideas, and I have to get Josh and Mao to help do something now... And now I need to pack for ODAC and now Astro at night, and I don't have a towel, not to mention clothes. It's already 9, I'm so super tired and I still have English and Lit to do, and the worse thing is all these things aren't last minute! I can't believe I've been trying to do things early for once and things just keep piling up even more... I end up doing even more work than before.

I hate this la. I shouldn't have gone to ODAC on Monday in the first place; I leave Astro for one day and things get so screwed up, and it's under my name!!! And I thought like, oh, it's okay, I owe Johno for being like so pissy and emo alot of times at ODAC, and I feel so bad about ponning on Monday when it's a legit CCA compulsory day, so I went for ODAC instead of Astro. And now he just asked me to go for PT tomorrow, and I need to revamp my whole plan for tomorrow, finish up Chem, English, Lit and tomorrow there's gonna appear a Bio assignment. I really hope nothing's going to replace the Math session (cancelled), because now I need the time to plan for Astro, and if anyone else messes up my timetable, I'm sorry, I'm going to say NO. And yes, I'm going to pon it. Whatever it might be. I can't keep making compromises and changing my times around. I'm not Zhongming, or Bao, or kor, or whoever else who can spend the whole day in school and think nothing about it.

I've finished crying. I won't do English anymore, or Chem, or any homework tonight. I'll just pack for ODAC, and try to figure this out tomorrow. I can't function like kor, I don't go for extra PT sessions or Astro sessions or extra lessons because I think it's fun or on a whim. I can almost bet that something is going to crop up again tomorrow. I have a feeling I'm going to blow up at someone tomorrow. If not in the morning then at astro, or Bio, or in between Lit; or worse, in ODAC. I really hope that doesn't happen, I hope Johno doesn't shout at me, I don't know what I'll do.

Another thing I can't believe is that my trip is cancelled. What is the meaning of having to submit a proposal for a trip 6 months in advance. This is totally ridiculous, I don't even have any trips that ask me that far ahead! I don't care if it's from someone high up or what, the point is, I got that email, and I think someone is going to have to answer for it. HUHH. I HATE THIS SCHOOL!

I asked Jack to go out and buy food for astro early, but apparently he thinks he needs to come for ODAC too, because he didn't on Monday. So there's no one left to buy food now, cause we still need to plan for the party itinerary. And there goes my plan of eating out at NUS one last time. Great la. Astro is really eating up my life.

I think I've calmed down since just now, and now I'm thinking of whether to post this. It's so angry, and I've said so many things i would never say, EVER. I was going to edit this, but my di says it's better to just post it as it is. He came up with some reasons, like I'll probably look back on this one day and laugh, and that he wants to read what it says, and that anyways, speaking truth to power is never wrong, even though it might not always be right. It's strange to hear words like that pop up at me, through him. I was the one who taught him that. Together with "don't talk back to me" and "don't be a busybody". Anyways, thanks for the chocolate. It always helps to know that someone cares for me and loves me. I don't know what I'll do without you, k? So anyway, here goes nothing...

Ride of my life

There's PE tomorrow. And I'm already kind of tired just thinking about it. Maybe that's what they mean by "riding the eddies of time"

I really don't feel like going for PE tomorrow. It's a good thing there isn't ODAC on Friday, I don't feel very well. Though it might be because of the chocolate I ate today. I think I need more.

I think I'll devote the rest of this post to someone who has helped me alot. And even though he's sometimes really evil I don't think I would be where I am today if not for him.

He's sat through like an hour or more of my calls for a time, once or twice or a few times. He can be really caustic and sarcastic and basically evil at times, but at certain moments... he can be really good to me. I don't know what I'll do if he wasn't here sometimes, but most of the time I wonder why I even know him, so... -.-

He jokes around alot, but he still has time to talk to me. Though he usually spends it bullying me. Yet I appreciate how sometimes he takes the time to answer my questions or entertain me. He sometimes plays games with me, but always quits them in like supersuper fast time. But it's still fun XD

Apart from that, he's still my korkor, no matter what happens. Even though he's really mean, he still bothers to cook soup for me, or buy bread in hostel. And it's these little things that I cherish most about him.

English class

English is boring. Even with chocolate, it's still a chore to listen in class. And there's so much homework!!!

There's the stupid English essays and stuff like that, and we haven't even started on the lame Economist. Well, I'm going to tear out the nicest page in that magazine, and throw away the rest I guess. It's such a waste of money, especially if you're forced to buy it. Retarded. Also, there's the English project coming up. We have the emergency pack too. And apparently, a one page essay on why the emergency pack is needed. Which I'm obviously not going to do.

We're talking about McDonaldization now. Kind of a stupid argument. People are so resistant to the idea of McDonald's taking over their culture because they fear something. And one only fears something because they have something to lose. Look, in Singapore, why is there no uproar over the fact that Americanization or McDonaldization is taking over our culture? It's because we never had any culture in the first place! Because our forefathers and whatever people were immigrants from everywhere around the world, there is no sense of losing anything at all by adopting supposed "Western cultures".

Yes, there are traditions that have to be upheld, like Chinese New Year or Deepavali, or Hari Raya Puasa. I'm not saying that everyone has to drop all that and adopt "Western holidays" or "Western traditions" like Halloween or Thanksgiving. Look, I'm Christian, which is supposedly Western, but it's not like I have to stop visiting people during Chinese New Year. Or I have to stop eating reunion dinner. I guess what's lost is simply the meaning or the original intention of the symbols used. Like praying to ancestors during the cleaning of graves thing. Look, after all, it is still our choice if we want to become "Westernised" or not. It's not right to wage war against an icon just because you fear that it might take over your traditions or cultures. In fact, it's useless. People will always want what seems new or modern; how can any sort of tradition (the very word implies antiquity) compare with that? The way to "defend" these would be to inculcate these traditions into the very fibre of the people; going up against a symbol, whether you view it as gallant or stupid, is very rarely going to help improve the image of what you're trying to defend.

Sheesh. And that's what we have been going on for the last like 1 hour.

I mean, what is there to lose? Why is everyone so scared of something they once named progress? They support it when they're gaining from it, when all seems well, when everyone is rich; the moment trouble starts looming, or your own power base seems threatened, or your political power seems to wane, they go against it, and say that America is trying to take over the world. What if Singapore develops a new software or technology that helps eradicate famine or AIDS or cancer? Will the dissemination of this technology be viewed as we trying to take over the world as well? Some times I wonder why those engineers or developers or researcher just destroy whatever they've been working on, because "what if the rest of the world deems it as a threat to their cultures/traditions/political power/economic power". Good luck for the rest of the world; how about we simply keep all our technology to ourselves. How about every country just do that; what kind of world will this become?

This debate only comes about because of the feelings that some people have against a particular country or religion, which breaks out whenever topics like this come up. Bah English is kinda retarded. I can't believe that people actually think of these things in their free time. BORING.

Events in my life

ODAC Camp was AWESOME! I hope nothing like that happens ever again.

I think that was the first time I slept at 3am. Seriously. Super tiring, and I won't be surprised if I fall sick because I ran in the rain. Yet... Thanks to the greatest group on Earth, Shui Sheng, Arun, Natalie, Yun Hui, David and Lennard for sticking with all the stupid stuff in orienteering, like walking the huge circle around the bridge when we should have just crossed it and done. Or walking and eventually running  in the rain just to try to get more checkpoints. And even though we failed miserably and was like last too, I still enjoyed it all. Except the rain. That was terrible.

I slept at like supersuper early yesterday, and I only woke up at 11am today. Crazy right. The light is hurting my eyes even now, and my joints keep cracking everytime I move. I can't lift my hand above my head very far, and when I have them up there I don't want to go down again. Even when I take a deep breath my chest tinges slightly, and my elbow kinda hurts alot more now. It looks kinda infected, now that I think about it. I'll wait for pus then I'll see what I'll do.

There's SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THE CAMP AND 1STAR!!! GAH. Irritating like anything. I thought everything would be solved if I simply cancelled the trip or postponed it to March, but apparently I have to wait for what Ms Loh or Mr Tan says on Monday. Even if they wouldn't cancel it or insisted that we had to have it in Feb, I thought I would just not go for it and get someone else to replace me for that trip. Now I can't get an answer until tomorrow, and then I'll have to make arrangements. Which raises problems on Ms Lee's side; the canoeing course had to be replied like yesterday, and I thought that by today I could get a straight answer from the teachers.

However, now the Water Venture people just won't let me sign up for the course. They went to fill up the course or something like that, and closed the course, so no matter what I do I can't take it on 14 and 21st. So now I'm hoping that they don't cancel or postpone the trip, but that would mean that I'm causing trouble for the NUS people's side. So I'm stuck both ways, just because I couldn't get an answer on time. I can't go for the 1star course cause it's too late to sign up for it, and now even if I cancel the trip or postpone it to March it's too late to do anything cause it won't help with anything; I'll just have to tell everyone to book a different date for the trip again, and tell the NUS side too. At least now I'm settled for the 1star course. I'll take it myself in March or something.

As for the trip, if it happens on 20Feb, it's fine; if they cancel or postpone it, now it's fine too.

My main gripe is now I have to think about the meeting tomorrow. It's either ODAC PT or astro meeting. I don't want to pon ODAC but I'm not wild about going for more training in this state. Yet I don't want to drop everything and go for Astro in case we end up wasting time in that session. I need more time alone to think about all these things. Or time in the shower...

So things to think about:

whether to go for ODAC or Astro tomorrow, or just postpone Astro.

how to solve the problem about all the trips and courses and stuff.

next friday's Astro Welcome party.

The club's website/blog thing

Trip to the symposium thingie. Consent forms, bus booking etc.

EXCO planning

Homework

how to get people to give blood with me on the 26th of June. Which is a Friday. So I'll probably have to like pon CCA. Or I'll ask Ms Lee to send us all to donate blood. HAHA. Actually that's kinda cool. Hmm...

Well, I think that should be manageable enough. It seems a lot more when it's floating around in my head.

When I first heard this song, I immediately thought of Mao and Roy. Lol. It's called Lucky, by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.

It's quite a cool song, go find the lyrics or get the song from me. Kinda mushy though. Lol. But so... lovely I guess. Can't find another word to describe it.

Oh thanks kor for the offer of soup. I like soup. And bread. XD

And I guess from here on I'll be writing about the horrible (I would say black Friday but I think that's kinda racist nowadays. You can't be too careful.) Friday. So read on if you're above 18, and like immune to puking and horrifying scenes of blood and gore. Also, mild torturing scenes past here. Other wise click here to leave now.

Well, it started pretty tiring on it's own; Math, then Bio then Lit. I was kinda sian already, especially after those 3 rather tiring lessons on their own. So arrived the first level of hell. As with all roads that lead to hell, it started out kinda all right. We went into the ODAC room, saw that the bananas were nice and ripe and we were like HOORAY. Bananas are ripe! Wheeee. Then we had this small briefing about the route, and the clues, and the compasses, and the maps. So that's how we started off.

We had to find the letterbox of doom first, so we travelled all the way to Clementi central before we realised that Avenue 2 was far behind us. So we walked back and finally found it. Took a picture of it then went off to find the parking lot. Then it rained. Like it started with a small drizzle first, then it stopped, so we though, hey, that's not too bad. So onwards to the next place, which was somewhere near a bridge or something. We went to the wrong bridge, then walked a huge round before finding the stupid erection of a 2 story whatever. Loser la, it was like hidden down this minute jungle path thing. zzz.

Ran and ran in the rain. Saw an accident. Some car hit motocyclist, then the poor guy the bike like dao fan, and his hand and arm was injured. I think he kena flattened by bike. Ran and ran... All the way to the 4th station, the lamp near the playground. Had to take picture in the heavy rain, so my phone got like soaked. Luckily it didn't short out or burn.

After that, we tried to find the trading chinese place thing. It was so late liao la, and we were torn between coming back late or finding the stupid place. Walked/ran another huge round before it was like 5.55pm, so we had to head back. Or get hell from Johno. Or Ms Lee. Or both. In the end we still came back late, even after running in the rain and all. I think that's why we didn't get punished or something; everyone was too pathetic looking. They just gave us less food. Which was fine by us. *sad*

After that I broke for Astro. Went to handle the club. I think we did a good job in spite of not having a plan. The rain spoiled stuff again. After so many weeks without rain, it has to appear now. Such is the way the world works. Hahahas. We didn't go to NUS, and we distracted the club with a movie while we thought up of stuff to do for the rest of the session. The Year 1s were kinda crazy so Mr Lim took them away. He did some brain-washing thing to them, which turned  out pretty well actually. They were much better behaved after that, when we were showing the scopes to them.

We set up both Dobs, and the new scope and the poor Orion. Let them mull over it for awhile, then we decided to like introduce them to how to set up the scopes. Made them sort of like study how we set up the scopes, and threatened to make them do it later, and if they do it wrongly... well I left it hanging XD. Anyways, we had Kenneth and Rion do the Orion scope (Thanks guys!), while I did the white Dobsonian. I didn't set it up though; I just introduced like what to do, what not to do, what to use, what not to lose, basic stuff like that. Jack and co. set up the thing, while I tried to think "What would Mr Lim do if he was the one being the teacher." I think it was rather fun though, and went ok factoring in the lack of preparation and the sudden-ness of everything and the change of plans. I guess I haven't had the real taste of being a teacher yet, they always look so terribly busy with preparing materials and stuff. And I guess it is tiring. But I still think I'll like to be a teacher next time. Or at least teach something. I haven't forgotten about being an OBS instructor! Hahahas...

Well, then we talked to Mr Lim about stuff until 11pm. While I prayed hard that my shoes would dry by then (fat hope, life doesn't work that way, it's too evillllll.) Went back for PT, which I don't remember alot of, except for planking and running. And getting shouted at. Which I think was totally unnecessary. I think I always feel angry when people start shouting at me. Whats wrong with asking nicely. I think I'll feel more guilty and learn more from it if, even though I'm slow or late or something, no one shouts or scolds me. I'm more scared if I do something that makes someone be more quiet or use a softer tone against me than if that person starts shouting and irritating me.

Anyways, after PT we went to sleep. Sort of. I feel asleep so many times during PT, and I closed my eyes when I was running once and felt myself slipping away. I didn't do that anymore after that happened. Wait fall down or something. Showered then slept. terrible sleep. So cold, then got mosquito somemore. And I was sleeping at the corner. I think Lennard was very happy in between me and Johno; I blocked all the wind and Johno had a sleeping bag so I guess it was damn warm for him. In the end I went hunting for a nicer spot to sleep. Student Lounge, canteen, Netball court, Concourse... all so cold de. In the end I went to the grandstand and tried to sleep next to korkor. He went back to do stuff, and I koped his sleeping bag to sleep awhile. He brought toast back but I was too tired to eat it then. So by the time i ate it it was soft liao. Still edible though, so I shared with Bao.

Then we had a nice breakfast. Ate like so many bananas, didn't like the Nutella or the brand of Peanut butter, so I tried Milo and Ribena instead. Separately. I wanted to try Milo and Ribena first, but people kept asking me to pour Ribena for them, and Johno asked me to pour Ribena into his cup. Stupid la, I didn't get to be first to drink Milo+Ribena. Zzzzz. So angry.

We played Captain's ball, which we sort of owned for awhile. Then we got tired I think, so played frisbee, in which we were okay. Mostly. Then we moved to the Netball court to play (duh) netball, in which we were severely OWNED. I realised I can't defend at all, I keep forgetting that I can't block others from shooting, and that I have to mark my complementary person instead. Terrible... Kinda not open to netball now hahas.

Lunch was at the hawker centre at Clementi Central. Ate my usual thing, and bought Cheeu Kway? Dunno how to spell. Vanessa, you can try to pronounce it in all the different ways you can hahahas.

Rushed back to deliver Rad's food to him before he went home, then we slowly cleaned up the place. Went home at around 3 something after a debrief. That's a funny word. With so many wrong connotations... HAHAHAHAHAS. Forgot to take the form from Ms Lee, but I don't think it matters anymore. ZZZ.

And that's about it for the camp. After recounting all those horrible memories, I don't think I want to go for ODAC session tomorrow. The pain just keeps getting worse, and I just took some painkillers and muscle relaxant. (Not Panadol) Some kind of medicine that works well for fevers too. I hope it doesn't kill me. I feel another round of the flu coming on. My nose keep running now, and I can't breathe through it properly. And just when i though I was all done with the flu. I guess after so much stuff going on my immunity is just low.

I think I shall go for dinner now, cause I'm feeling really sleepy now, and i don't want to sleep before I can eat.

A length of prose

Darkness falls a tad too early in the suburbs of math and science.

I don't feel... innocent or carefree anymore.

Why is life like that? Ups and downs and all arounds. Spinning in a washing dryer. Colours flying like birds, thoughts, emotions.

Flitting from space to space, never stopping to rest or feed. Never stopping for rest.

Take heed, all who chance at life. She'll pull your hair and stick her thumbs up your nose; and somehow...

Leave you with lessons so deep the Trench is but a dimple, so painful the sun is but a candle. And you'll leave each lesson, with half a brain, emotions shot, heart a-broken, head so messed up.

Both less a person and yet something more; both sane and insane, both Sad. but Wiser.

In pain, yet unfeeling. I'm not in denial.

Both sad, yet... Unfinished?

I pray it turns out well. For I do not dare say, I do not dare speak out, I do not dare. I wish I could. But I'm scared. And I hoped you knew. Apparently not.

I love you. ok. nitez. My heart is still heavy. Do you not understand? 3, it's been. No, 4? 3. Yes, 3. Do you not know me? I'm scared. Scared to say, scared to speak. plans? I do not dare; have it your way

Help. I'm both sad, and scared; alone and not known; hurt that you don't know. Or see. Or feel the way I do.

I hope one day you see. There's alot you don't know about me. Your best friend, me.

 

 

~To a friend. I think. No, I hope.

I've decided to become a songwriter.

I spent the whole today making words rhyme with each other when i was playing, and I made this song:

So far the tune is Lenka's "The Show". The chorus. Anyways I call it "Nothing to Eat"

 

I only want just a bite of your ba kwa,

Why don't you give me a little bit please la.

New year is here already,

But I'm still hungry

I want to eat more goodies...

I just want some pineapple tarts

Don't want the ones that are shaped like hearts

But you just kope the last one

Never ask if I want

New year just isn't sweet

When you got nothing to eat...

 

Yeah that's it. I'm still very good but I think it's better than songs like "Who let the Dogs out". Or something like that. Lol. I think it's a nice song though. Everywhere I go no pineapple tarts de. Even in school. Hmm... And ba kwa so rare la. Ice cream also. Finish so fast. Anyways... Dinnering soon. And I got like nothing left to say. Hahas