is happiness part of relativity too?

I refuse to talk about ODAC.

Astro was fun. I need to get pictures from Kenneth first; I'll continue this post with all the pics attached.

Hmm. No pics for now. Kenneth left them in hostel, and no one is online yet. So I'll continue with the story XD

We rushed out to buy drinks and stuff cause it was so late already. Then met Tan Li on the way, which was lucky because it turned out there was so many things to carry. And I didn't even get to shower first. We bought ice and drinks and cups and tissue, then lug all the way back to school. Just in the nick of time, we finished everything. Started the attendance taking, then food. Rationed EVERYTHING. We have to get more Hawaiian pizzas. They go really fast.

We went abit crazy near the end of the party; we stacked all 24 boxes up on a table, and Mr Lim  started pulling them out from the bottom. He did this twice, then Mr Wong, and I think Mr Tien. Then I tried it, and it actually worked! Hahahas. Then we had a 2 way pull-off, and it worked too! Amazing la, we were like on a roll. So we decided to try pulling out 4 at one go. But it failed miserably. I think there's a video of it somewhere. I have to find it later. We almost did it but in the end the thing collapsed. Sad right?

We cleaned up the place after that, and moved on to splitting them up into groups. Then played games while I walked around stoning. Too tired to play bah. Then dismissal; in the end, it was quite a short session. But it was fun. And it's still kind of sad that this is probably the last session we're going to plan. And we're going to graduate so soon. And yes, a year will pass really fast. That's one thing I've learned, from so many places; seniors and teachers, from Mr Lim to Eugene and Reiko.

One more year. And that's it. Yet I don't feel happy, or actually, after the initial sadness has worn off, I don't feel much at all. I guess I already feel detached from this school; after I drop astro it's just going to get worse. I think that's what I do; I cut ties early on so they hurt less in the end. Did I do this when I left TMS? Maybe. Actually, make that a probably so. My di thinks so too. When I went back to see Alain off, or just go for their celebrations of stuff, I just didn't feel connected anymore. I felt like just a stranger coming back and stalking some of them.

And that's the way I feel right now. I didn't feel like I belonged here since I came into the school; no matter how much I tried to distract myself with orientation in Yr 3, singing songs, trying to act hyper in games, or laughing at really lame and stupid things, being enthu for cheer, always going out in hostel, sleeping in other people's rooms, doing illegal stuff in the various hostel rooms, sneaking Mitch inside, cooking food, playing Maple, having people sleepover with me, fighting the system with every opportunity I got, trying to keep myself happy in spite of everything that's happening around me... It just didn't work. It just doesn't work. Deep down I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere; I wasn't a Temasekian anymore, I'm not bound anyway to this school or it's people. And no matter how many people, or how many times they told me that it'll be okay, or they'll be here for me no matter what, or that we'll keep in touch, or any promises they made; it never held a ring a truth in the words. I guess it's true that you're all alone in this world, despite anyone you meet, or any friends you make.

Right now, I don't feel like I could be as happy as before ever again.