Monday, March 31, 2008

Btw... Forgot a song...

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead


Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh


Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need


Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...


Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh


Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need


What you need, what you need...


Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...

Bye Alain...

We say goodbye to a dear friend today... Like probably forever... To some random place in Sydney. For study. And he's probably gonna come back like only once a year.

It was like I left again; something which I should never have done at all. Now I know how bad it feels to abandon anyone... I can't understand how I managed to do that in Sec2... How could I hurt all my friends like this... And all the girls cried and that set me off again... retarded, but I guess I've been bottling so much emotion inside me so far that it just had to come out somehow, and this was the best way to do it I guess...

And there wasn't like much fanfare or something, we spent some time at the food court and like chitchat, then I wanted to eat but had a shock when I saw the prices... Like 7 bucks or something for a plate of chicken rice. Seriously overpriced. So we dilly-dallied until around 7pm, then we walked Alain up to the departure gate... which started everyone taking a slew of photos and giving him gifts and stuff like that. Then we cried and stuff then Boon gave him a shirt which didn't have my pic on it, zzz I guess serves me right for not going out with them at all... stupid school.

I really can't say much more... We just stood there like idiots watching him wave and go off through immigration, then he disappeared. Forever. And we just stood there and kept crying and watching until Hui Ting said that she forgot to ask him to buy duty-free alcohol for her... then everyone laughed and cried at the same time...

I miss them so much. And the only time I see them is when someone decides to leave forever. It's so retarded. I feel really bad. And I sincerely hope that sponge and Daryl and Hoyin never do that to me too... Or just die on my watch, cause that's even worse too. O.o

I gotta go now... before I start crying again. And like flooding the room... These are the times when you really need a friend, and I thank God that there's sponge and Johno in my life... Yeah thanks God! Hahas...

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Back!!

There goes the frantic week of handing up tons of homework and other rushy stuff like that... Finally behind me; now to concentrate on the final week of rushing stuff, cause yup, theres one more week of homework handing in before, hooray, its exams! Zzz much...

Finally finish and over and done with English academic report. Waste of my time, really, it had no head or tail, then I just crapped my way through everything. So I'm just going to get a really low grade for it, but I guess it's quite good for rushing it through with alot of other homework to do...

Feeling sad now... Ryan's leaving earlier, like 12:45...  And I'm left all alone.. as usual.

I may not make it through the night man... sometimes I feel like this is all so stupid and all... I think I'm falling apart totally, and soon I'm going to go nuts... I wanted to feel so much that now I'm feeling too much; I think I'm like suffering under just my feelings... I feel like I just want to sleep forever and not wake up cause if I do , I'm just going to be plagued by too many feelings that I can't handle... And I'm avoiding company and other people because I'm scared of feeling too much for them... And I can't stand it any longer liao, it's really too much to handle and I'm not built for this, no one is...

And it's already hard for me to do stuff with other people, cause it's like the reason why I don't play many sports; I'm way too aggressive when I play, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I hate tennis I hate floorball, and the reason why I never play basketball and netball and stuff like that isn't cause I'm no good at it, but it's cause I'm too aggressive. It's the same when I play frisbee or basically any other competitive game; that's why I don't even play anymore. I cut myself off from these...bonding stuff cause I can't hurt anyone anymore, again.

But that's totally not helping here, I'm not the type of person who gathers like a huge bunch of followers around me and always has company, and because what friends I have always play these sort of things that I just can't play, and when I'm asked to play with them I can't and I have to fake a reason... I think I'm losing them... And I don't know what to do at all, cause it's not something I can control or fight... Whenever I play a game someone gets hurt and I can't bear to see that happen again. Ever. And even if it means pushing some people away from me... It has to be done. I'm just not safe at all, at least in games that require teamwork and stuff...

Now you know why I love canoeing so much. There's the team spirit in it, but there's no way I can develop enough aggression to go hurt somebody... And that's also the reason why I joined ODAC too. However, I absolutely hate the people inside ODAC, of all things, why does the stupid idiot have to be inside??!! I think he's damn sickening, he's always so manipulative to be with johno, what's his problem man... I think he's one of the worst people in the whole school, can't he just be normal? The freaking asshole doesn't know when to back down at all. One day he's going to learn it the hard way and he'll find that no one is going to help him then. Serves him right I think. I think even the shaoyang and khanh are about ten times better than him; at least they know not to interfere and they're normal people. They're irritating but they're still decent. Know your own limits and when to shut up and be quite and when to participate and I think most people will label you as being a decent person... But never attempt to manipulate people so obviously and openly, first it's disgusting and secondly I think people like that are so full of bullshit. A team is a team, and rules are rules, you don't have to fight over it or over a person at all. It's all the same any way you look at it, but you can spare to many people so much irritation and pain and anger... I'm starting not to like ODAC anymore... Why can't he like break a leg or something and just not be able to come for CCA at all... This kind of people simply don't deserve to be in such a great team-like CCA as ODAC la...

I'm quite sick of this school liao. Only a few things left to look forward to, and people expect me to fully pull through. Let's see, shall we?

Monday, March 24, 2008

I'm so screwed up

Sometimes I'm so happy and other times, I'm just this dead person who doesn't have an interest in life around me... Like now.

I realized I need someone to really like understand me and stuff... But people in this school are too busy with their work and stuff I guess, and it's not really fair to ask them to give that up just for me...

I really miss Temasek now... I'm just screwed up that way I guess. Sometimes I can think back on it and just feel really happy that I've actually been there in the first place, but sometimes I really feel like I did something really stupid when I left it for this place. There, I always had someone to care about me, and though I wasn't like what you could say "popular", I think I had the perfect set of friends. Friends who like stuck together and joked together and bitched together and were always there when I needed them. And I hope I was every bit as good to them as they were to me. Cause in the end, I think we'll be remembered for our friendships and our relationships, not by our academic results or financial situations.

Because if one is solely concerned with simply getting good grades and earning money, you would get friends, no doubt, but I feel that there's always that aura of suspicion over that sort of  friendship; the mentality of: "Is he just befriending me because of my grades/money/power?"

Whereas if friendships are built from the foundation up, if there is nothing to like about a person and one can still be friends with him; well, it just shows that that is a true friend indeed. And I really had that in Temasek. The guys really knew how to make me feel better, no matter what, and frankly I only remember a few times when I was unhappy and emo-ing, and those were for really good reasons, like when I got 2nd in English by half a mark, or when I quarreled with someone or stupid stuff like that. Now it looks like every night I'm feeling depressed... and I can't help but feel like no one notices or even cares. Only Johno seems to notice, and I gotta thank him for that Saturday when I think he sat by me until I fell asleep... On Conrad's bed. LOL.

I guess the reason why I'm feeling really depressed now is because I totally didn't understand anything in the AP chemistry lesson just now. Normally this wouldn't affect me though... hmm.

Thinking back, I think it was more of the total unfairness that some people would be getting their Internet cut at twelve just because they are "academically at risk". What bull is that. If they could get rid of the ridiculous English Monday lessons, I'm sure we would all be out of "risk". You force stuff on us, and when we can't cope, you "help" us by removing more relaxing time. Retards.

And also for the four people who now are banned from returning to hostel before 1pm. I think that's really unfair; firstly, it's not their fault, and secondly, I don't think it's going to solve the problem. If they would get rid of superfluous night lessons, and ridiculous English remedial and retarded stuff like that, I'm sure that we could catch up on more than enough sleep. It's these "let's help them students without them knowing! And lets not care about what they think, it's just good for them!" attitudes that really make me want to beat the shit out of them. Can't we have a say in our lives right now? It's like the only chance that we, as a whole level for once get to enjoy a stay together and you just have to purposely spoil it.

Enough about these people. I'm going to sleep.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

On top of the world

Look up, the stars are fading
And I am still here waiting
To see you again
Be with you my friend


When the moon is gone forever
I hope you're up there somewhere
I'll see you again
Be with you my friend
'Cause all the roads they lead to where you are
And all the streetlights shine like they were stars
That's where you are


Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything,
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams


Look out across the water
Faces of lonely daughters and mothers who care
But just can't be there
Swear that I will see you someday
I have to find a way
To show you I care
Even if you're not there


So I'm following the road to where you are
(Meet you tonight on top of)
The streetlights they will guide me to the stars
That's where you are


Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything,
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams


My heart is empty without you
Sometimes you don't know what you do
And I need you tonight
I'll fall asleep and it's alright
Close my eyes and I'll be by your side


Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything,
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams


Let's spend tonight on top of the world
(On top of the world)
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams

It's quite sad, I think so... But that's how I feel about Temasek. I miss it so much, with all the people that I've abandoned there... But I also know that what's done cannot be undone, and I don't think I'm the type to sit back and moan about whether I should have stayed or not. Now that everyone's graduated, I don't have a reason not to put my best for this school I'm in. Even though I may never fully appreciate it until I've left it, I think my loyalty now belongs both ways; just like one can have more than one best friend, I'm going to be loyal to both schools, and put my best here as I had put my best there.

Also, I forgot to say here that on 10th of March was korkor's birthday! hahas Happy birthday kor! And on the 20th of March is gonna be wz korkor's birthday. And though it's next Thursday I'm gonna say it here cause if not I'll probably forget then. Happy Birthday to both my kor's!! hahas.

And yup this has been sitting in my writer for about 2-3 days liao, so I'm gonna post it now XD

Monday, March 10, 2008

Cabalsea

It's not a bad game, but it kind of reminds me of almost every other game I've played... But's it's nice though.

So this ends my one day of fun and total relaxation; tomorrow I'm going to start doing homework so it doesn't start piling up on the first week of school... Then gotta get started on bio stuff liao. It's ok though, it's kind of fun still, though I really have to study this year.

I hope no one else has found this blog, I'm starting to enjoy having somewhere to write about in private...

I finished the books from the library... That feeling still hasn't worn off yet! So maybe it really is something... O.O anyway, now I'm addicted to Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Listening to it like so much.

Today's korkor's birthday, so happy birthday to him!! hahas... I really love you ok kor? don't be so stressed about her bah kor. One day... Just wait. 

Ook I'm gonna go sleep liao, really suffering from aches and tiredness.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Talk about starting off on the wrong foot...

Today was kinda a bad day. Had a Bad Dream last night, and now I'm not really looking forward to going to sleep. Hmph. It's kind of scary now when I think back on it; I can' quite remember it now I've managed to put a whole eventful day between it and me, but still...

It was like there was a war going on, and everywhere I looked there were signs of destruction and like, old-ness. Every building was kind of grayed-out and sort of sepia toned; it had the general appearance of being old and crumbling, like those old movies of war heroes and stuff. I remember walking down this little alley and stuff, and bombs or something were falling all around. And I remember, in the dream, thinking that my di and my kor and Johno were dead, like remembering them; then I was walking with this old man who sort of looked like Santa Claus without the fatness and the clothes; he was like in the tweed jacket, stooped, but had the white hair and beard and stuff around his face.

And after I remembered them dead (you know like thinking back on the times when they were still alive and stuff, as if they were really, already dead o.O), I was in this room with that old guy, which now I think of it, looked really old and wise, but not tired or anything, he just had the appearance of being old and stuff. And I remember being afraid of something, maybe like being afraid to die or something, but then there was this voice which asked: "What are you afraid of?".

And I remember the old man suddenly gathering me in his arms and saying: "He's not afraid to die, are you?" And I distinctly remember saying back: "Dying? That's not what I was afraid of. I was just afraid of more of my friends dying." And I remember in my dream I almost started to cry and stuff, I was so scared...

But I also realised that I was sad only for kor and my di, (who was dead already apparently), and I remember thinking in my dream that "I'll be seeing Johno soon", and I remember in my dream I smiled at that thought... And I also remember someone saying that I should start saving them, one by one, or something like that, or maybe I said it myself... All I remember now is that I was determined not to let any of them die, as in die unbelievers. That part hit me the strongest, and I knew I couldn't just stand by and not tell my friends about God and just watch them die like that. I couldn't imagine dying later, then meeting them face to face and having them ask me why I never bothered to tell them about the gospel and stuff... It's really scary.

And that spurred me to borrow something from the church library this morning; two books on the "Left Behind" series, the last two of that particular series. I finished reading one already, and I'm going to read the other tomorrow. I can't help but feel that God or at least something led me to this; my greatest fear all my life was losing someone that I love; anyone, actually, that I love, forever, like not telling them about the gospel and they having to go through eternal death and hell and all that... It would be nice to know if everyone was already a Christian, but now I can't stand the fact that if anyone dies, chances are that it would be a non-Christian, and I'll feel really responsible if I don't start telling people about Jesus.

It's still really weird writing about God and stuff here on my blog, especially now that others know about it; its definitely easier than going out and spreading the gospel, but I guess I have to do it someday, and I hope someday soon. It's so weird just talking about it, but I know I'm going to do it, no matter what. And maybe this is just the beginning of the teaching that's coming. For who knows the mind of God?

Anyway for those who read my blog, don't spread it around (at all!!!) cause I think I wrote some sensitive things which may hurt some people (namely Johno and Conrad), and I don't want that. So keep it low, and I'll release it in my own time. Haha.

I'm going to sleep now, not really excited about what may come (or maybe I'm just paranoid) in my dreams... But I'll manage it I guess. Nites, and this is Theo wishing everyone who reads this happy holidays!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Let it go. Let it roll right off your shoulders.

That's a line from Little Wonders, a song by Rob Thomas. Yeah. Just a thought to someone who's undergoing a lot of stress in the past few days. I mean, it's quite obvious to see, what with SLI and all the council stuff... And nope, its not Johno...

It's our new council president, Zhongming. Yup, we know how much you've tried to put in for everything you do for the school, but you have to understand, it's not you we're still mad at. It's more like, the attitude the council has, and inadvertently the school has. The fact that the various boards are acting up against each other is bad enough; now the total lack of school unity,  good management and the sheer disorganization of the council and school is putting everyone off. It's not your fault; we just hope that with a new head, things can finally be better, and we can move ahead to become a "higher-class" school. I mean, just look at today's SLI; sad as it is to say, it's quite badly done, from rehearsals, to choice of theme, to the presentation of the final event itself.

Now, there are quite simple ways to give our dearest school a new lease of life, in an effort to kick-start a new order of business that should and would probably last for as long as the school. Be very careful what you do, Zhongming; any traditions, rules or even ways of doing things will probably be held for a long time.

Firstly, you MUST get rid of the notion that the council can and will do everything, or even as much as they can for the school. The purpose of having different boards in the school is not so there can be as many student leaders as possible; it is to have each board and eventually each student specialize in a different area of leadership. In the case of the council, they are still labouring under the notion that they can and should take on every event that occurs in the school. This is a relic from ancient times; though this worked 3 years ago, when there were only 2 levels in the school, it is NOT going to apply now. There comes a time when everyone has to grow up, and leave some things behind. NOW is the time for the council to do just that. NOW is the time to make changes, to clearly define the roles of the various boards, societies, and ambassadors in the school. Take action now, Zhongming, or you might just find that it is too late to do so. The only way forward is the way through the youth; you MUST change this mindset before the younger councillors catch it, and spread it in turn to their younger councillors. Trust me when I say there is very little time; in your words, STEP UP NOW; you do NOT want this attitude to continue on in future incarnations of the council.

Therefore, you should redefine the role of the council ASAP; in most other schools, the council prides itself on being the link to other schools, to, in effect, be the ambassadors of the school. It is not an easy job; events like SLI or random symposiums held by the school are hosted by the council. Here, do not worry that the school body will think that you are not doing anything for them. Just because the council does not actively and obviously give benefits and advantages to you should not be sufficient reason to label them as "useless". Even so, remember what is the definition of a leader; he is, in essence, a servant. And, unfortunately, servants do not always get recognition, or even appreciation for their efforts. Take it in your stride; even though the student body may mock and jeer at you, there are always some who will see past the "obvious" useless-ness, and appreciate you all the same. Live for these people. These are the ones that truly see; do not succumb to random insults by people who cannot even see deeper than face value.

Since most schools already have this system of the council being "ambassadors of the school" working, it would be good to model them. Train up your councillors to excel in hosting coat-and-tie events; investitures, symposiums, school opening ceremony, formal concerts, etc; in effect, things that have to be done in a very strict and formal way, or if parents or the public are involved. Councillors are the face of the school; any other councillors that visit our school immediately look to a councillor to judge the standard of the school. Be the best councillors you can be; train your councillors in all the ways to be formal and smart and how-to-public-speak. This is the school's image; with all images, it might be fake, but it definitely has to look good.

The next step would probably be to work with the president of the PSL's, to once again redefine their roles. Now, this might be a problem, as you are only the president of the student council. Yet, it is crucial that the problem must be solved both ways, with the minimum of delays.  Therefore, you have to talk to the PSL's. The only thing important is that the rivalry between them, imagined or not, must be dispelled. Now, it is probably easier this year, as I think May Fong is president? She will be open to any discussion; frankly, I think everyone is sick with the way the council and the PSL's compete for events.

PSL's, as their name suggests, support their peers. they provide the foundation on which the school body places its spirit and soul; they lead classes on their orientation, and should be specializing in, (yes, I'm going to say it), encouraging the heart. That is the true strength of the PSL's; usually made up of more popular people, their job is to handle internal events such as 2+2 day, Games Day and Orientation. They can sometimes provide the workforce for some events, like manpower for slightly more informal fund-raising concerts. (for your information, the concert by Ms Flo is informal, while Pianissimo and other parent-related events are usually very, very formal. o.O) I can't really think up of more events like this, but I think you get the picture; PSL's concentrate more on the informal, school-based internal activities, while the council should turn its focus outward. No one wants to come to a formal event, and be greeted by (frankly) informal looking ambassadors of the school. Imagine if Mitchell was the MC for today's SLI; he would provide a lot of laughs, but that isn't what's needed in a formal Investiture. Yet he excels in being the MC or whatever for the Pirates of the Clementi thing. (which I think is kind of lame, but still, I guess they need stuff to do, and we need to relax every now and then)

It is the balance between the PSL's and the council that will define how well the school spirit runs; if every formal event is strictly held "formal" by the presence of the councillors, the school will naturally bend to make sure that every time there is a formal event, they behave themselves. On the flip side of the coin, internal events are meant to be slightly more relaxed, and we can afford to have more clowns like Mitchell on stage, because that will spur the rest of the school to let their hair down too.

I think this is very important; the school, or mainly the younger levels do not seem to have the discipline to behave during formal events; for example, when Reico was making his speech this morning and said "faces" or something wrongly, the year 3s and 4s repeated it and started laughing. I think this is very rude; it's an honest mistake, and don't they realize that this would make him nervous, and probably stumble more? Truly enough, in the next few lines he made a few more speech-related blunders. I think you yourself should know; you just made a speech up there today, and I don't think people laughing at your blunders is going to help your confidence a lot. Now, this might be excused if it was just anyone or even a teacher addressing the school; however, it happens even when a "distinguished speaker" comes to speak. This may be because the school has no model of how to behave when in a formal setting. Thus, the councillors, being role models for the rest of the school, should be setting an example.

Now, I am not saying that you guys are not setting a good example or anything; just that you should be more focused in doing so. The council should train itself in the ways to carry itself in everyday events. I am also not saying that it is the councillors fault, or your fault. I just feel that as head honcho, you have to take the lead in making changes (I'm not just saying that -_-), cause everyone is just waiting for you to make your first move as president.

Now, in my old school, all we had left were the class reps/CCA leaders and the sports captains; their roles were basically described in their names, with the sports captains basically putting their all into cross-country and Sports Day, while the class-reps/CCA leaders were... well they had a nice badge, and took good care of their classes or CCA's. However, our school has the irritating habit of creating some rather dubious leadership boards with obscure purposes which should have belonged in my land of smoketitude.

So, we see the creation of boards such as NEA's, Interactors,  Music Ambassadors, House Captains, CCA leaders, and most recently, rumours of yet another board, the Sports Ambassadors. Now, its no problem to have everyone in the school as student leaders; the problem only comes in when everyone tries to lead the same thing at the same time. Now each of these boards should be defined clearly, and any venturing out of their so-called "domain" should be strongly discouraged, and should only be done under unanimous vote.

Anyway, it's your decision whether to implement these changes or not; you ARE the president of the student council. Take it one step at a time; things usually turn out better that way, and you'll definitely feel more relaxed. Whatever it is, just know we're waiting for you to make your first move, and remember that irregardless of how the rest of the school thinks, the Year 5s will probably support the only male councillor who bothered to step up in year 3.

Don't worry; personally I believe (and hope) that this year there will be some changes, especially in the school leadership structure. If the school is to go far, it has to have a good leadership framework, and it starts with YOU. So no pressure!

I realized after I wrote all that it was really like a letter to Zhongming, so I think I'll let him see the blog. I mean, what harm could be done (I hope) by doing that? Hmm... he's not online, so I'll send an offline message later.

Anyway if you do read this, remember that there are some people who you can still talk to; this level may have lost its fangs, but there's still poison behind these gums. And if there's one person who still stands up and fights, I don't think that the enemy has truly won the war.

P.S.: I started writing this at 8.21pm and I posted this at 12.20am or thereabouts. Wow.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

SSEF!!

I still have a few minutes before chinese at 12nn, so I came here to blog abit...

just went through the most retarded and most time-wasting ceremony of my life: SLI. bah. rehearsal for around 5 to 6 times, and you spend like a minute on stage. the whole thing is meaningless anyways.

Going to Science Center later after cheena, around 1.30pm? SSEF hahas, apparently ada and sam and derek are all there, so i guess i'll see them afterwards XD. Maybe alan too lol... Anyways I hope its more fun then i expect it to be; i cant stand standing around and waiting for things to happen, unless im really tired and stuff...

Ook I better sign off before im late for cheena o.O

Retarded stuff

Ok firstly, I just deleted the whole post so im gonna have to write it out again.

anyways I was complaining about how conrad seems so much more condescending and like showing so much attitude nowadays. Hes like being so pai kia-ish, and I think hes totally learning it from Ding. I mean, he's like stopped trying to be nice and stuff, and is instead trying to stir up trouble; hes like ridiculing teachers, and showing so much attitude. He's even like talking back to me when i talk to him, like in Lit, he's like trying to be as argumentative as possible whenever i ask questions or stuff. I didn't know whether I should have put all of this here the first time i wrote this, but i guess im ok with that now. Even in maths, hes like so great and so smart now, that hes forgotten that he was one of us. I mean, he acts as if we're all some stupid kids who don't know how to do math, or even Lit... and I feel that thats not imitating Christ at all, and I think that should be the number one priority in our lives.

Not that I'm so great at obeying God and stuff like that, but I feel that hes totally not trying anymore, and hes just living life as if there was no God at all.

Johno's another one; hes recently taken to breaking rules almost blatantly, and hes a councillor.  I mean, I expected a councillor to at least be an upholder of the school rules, but johno's like always late for stuff, or he goes out of school early and gets others to follow, or pulls open hostel gates when there's a perfectly good card to tap open, or even when he could have like waited for someone to help him open the door... then he scolds and snaps at me for telling him that we could have just waited or something like that. And both of them are like ignoring me, or holding me in contempt. Its like, sometimes im talking to them, and some idiot comes in and interrupts, and they just treat me as if im invisible, and they carry on talking like i just evaporated or something...

It's really irritating; i mean i would expect at least someone like johno, who's supposedly like so guai and stuff to at least try to obey rules and be nice and stuff like that, but its like they dont care about stuff anymore, even me. I'm feeling rather sad now so...

Ive decided to like pray for them every night for a whole seven days; like it has to be continuous for the week, and if i forget or dont do it one day, ill just restart the counting until i get seven days in a row. Im gonna pray for them to remember what it's like to imitate christ; I know its sounds like im really high and mighty, but im really trying not to, i just want them to not be so irritatingly... gahh. I know it now sonds like im sounding noble and stuff (and now im sounding like im trying to be humble... this is stupid), but seriously, i just want them to be better. I cant stand seeing any of my friends like suffering or floundering or just in a bad situation. I know i probably need more guidance and help from God than them (im probably gonna need help even getting the week of prayer done), but ill rather that they get it first.

One thing im very sure about is im going to CF tomorrow, come hell or high water. im serious. and i dont think ill be going up to mrs. wong's room with johno and conrad; it'll be so... I dont know, i guess i dont feel the same with them anymore. I'll probably go up with Mel.

I really dont noe what to do anymore; really sad about these things, but I'm just hoping God reads blogs, and can be bothered to actually answer my prayers. I'm gonna need all the help i can get, and all the support i can get. I guess im just feeling really pissed, cause the hostel has announced that there may be a fire drill, and it might be held outside office hours, like maybe at 3am!! Which is totally crazy, we dont get enough sleep already, why would they want to do this to us, and whats's more even if they ring it at 3am, im not going to go down if i can help it. It's ridiculous.

Another thing is the retarded cluster outing; we're going out to watch 10000 BC, during the weekends... stupid right. not only is it a great waste of time, it also serves no purpose at all. Haizz... i really dont know anymore, but the hostel people are getting really irritating.

anyways I tink I'm going to stop here, cause its really late, and im kinda pissed at having to think and write all this again, at top speed and stuff.... I still think the original copy was so much better, but hey, maybe its divine intervention, maybe God's trying to say that my old copy was just too emotional, or maybe i shouldn't use the auto save every minute... cause thats what i did, and just before the minute was up i pressed ctrl-a and some random letters accidentally, and so deleted everything... smart right hahas...

anyways, ill sign off here. dont even know who im going to let read this blog... hahas

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Fear for courage, and death for life

Let the borededness of theo continue from here on. took like seriously a super long time to set up this blog, and im still not very happy with it... but I think it'll do hahas...

I have been abandoned by everyone who went for chemistry, and li liang zi just knocked on my door to ask "where is wen hao?". tempted to say he ponned study time and is now in geylang, but... restrain...

instead said that hes probably at chemistry... like everyone else is. sianded la i had feeling that im the only one still up here, then saw vijay's door open. I tink it was him anyways.

the rest arent gonna be back until around 9 (it's 8:57 now lol), and I'm feeling really tired already. tomorrow theres chinese first thing in the morning (homework not done), then a nice break until English and Lit... which brings us to PE. Unfortunately. At least chanbara's over and done with, I hope never to see any of those instructors again. Really lame sport. Sorry.

However... hopefully we'll be able to skip PE tomorrow; not only is there some SLI thing from 4-6pm, but I gotta go take some new scopes at around 5pm. Maybe with a little bit of delaying and maybe crapping up some excuse about cleaning them and stuff like that, we can last until 6pm, totally skipping PE! Maybe and hopefully! XD

Ryan got rashes; zzz much, but he was really suffering that day... I think. Apparently he slept from 11am to 5pm, then slept at 8pm on the same night. So I have a feeling its quite serious... or maybe he's just tired, and catching up on sleep after a long time.  LOL that would really be quite anti-climatic.

d/led stardust and watched it, watched all the POTC (pirates of the Caribbean) *intrusion! saw Ryan in a pink shirt. thought he was gonna go out or something; was gonna ask Josh to go over and ask him if he was going to go out to some gay bar in Geylang or something hahahas. I feel mean, but maybe that's great XD*

addicted to maroon 5's wont go home without you. abandoned by people going down to play Frisbee zzzz much

anyways i tink im gonna sleep liao; tiredness. I hope ryan gets better faster; he keeps saying hes fine but he still looks half dead. kor's birthday is also coming up; 10 march. I havent gotten him a birthday present though. He got me one slightly less than a year ago, a Bible thats in my room now XD. But i never got him anything, and I really think I should get something for him this year. So yeah hahas. Nites!