I'm FAT!!!

meaning: First-Aid Trained

CERTIFIED FIRST AIDER!!. (finally. what a lame course XD)

Yesterday was... manymany feelings. Johno went away. I'm so scared he'll never come back... Yet some weird part of me thinks he probably will. I wonder why?

Also, on Friday, something weird, wonderful and absolutely great happened. Something unexpected happened too. And something horribly, horribly un-needed, unwanted, and GAH happened too. Start guessing.

Well, in the weird yet wonderfully, absolutely great category, we have Johno being our new ODAC Captain!!!. WHOOOOOO. Shuhui's our new Vice-Captain!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO. Yet it's kinda sad cause this also implies that the Yr 6's won't be with us for very long, (like one more week?) and that's why handover is like now. So ODAC will be shrunk to a meagre six Yr 5's and one Yr4. Or something like that.

The thingies in the "unexpected" category should have to go to... well that kor went to basketball practice. Also, my toaster works perfectly, after giving me some troubles at first... o.O Don't have to change it liao XD. Astro cleanup day was an enormous success; next thing to think about will have to be "Youthniversal Studios" for Youth day and the upcoming (hopefully) astro outing to some astro convention. One more thing to go in here; astro's pizza was dedicated to me after some big mouth (nope I'm not saying any namesMAOWEE!) told Mr Lim Thursday was my birthday. So yeah.

For the horribly un-needed, unwanted, and GAH-rish happenings... well, there's only one these two days, and it has to do with ODAC. *says no more* If you know, good for you!! XD. If you don't PISS OFF. You can't be a friend. At all. zzz

Anyways, back to the first point; just finished the first aid course XD. Feels really free now. Like I don't need to worry if I fail it sometime in the future. It's an extremely libertaing feeling. I like it XD...

I hope Johno's OK... China must be really weird for us CHEENA-illiterate. I threatened him with disMEMBERment if he came back a chinese genius. (which basically means no more father's day to all you socially and sheesh kinda people -.- AND NO, I didn't find a way to force him to wear condoms for the rest of his life; and though that kinda has the same effect, it's not entirely the same procedure... o.O)

*feels excited about Tioman, even though it's like more than a month away* I guess I feel excited about going overseas with friends alot. There's also MY china trip. Which I'm mentally prepping myself for. XD

Birthday surprises...

It's one of those things where you think really should have noticed, but you don't until the thing actually happens and is over. Kor and Johno disappeared yesterday for like so long, and I was like actually wondering what happened to them... And then I went for AXIS and then filming of the weird thing for ODAC and astro, and then I was super tired and went to slack off in my room... That's probably why I didn't notice anything weird at all. Or maybe they're really good at hiding things from me. Hmm...

Anyways, it's really nice to be loved like this... Johno HAD to go out and buy stuff that I was only joking about getting... like a new Bluetooth adapter thingie cause my com doesn't have built in Bluetooth. Thanks to everyone who bought stuff for me and especially to everyone who wished me today; it really means alot to me. *loves you all*

Another thing to note is how kor's gotten alot nicer to me in the past few days, and especially so today. He's been less suanning, so much more supportive and muchmuch more KINDER then... well ever. Thanks kor for even trying; you're the best!! XD

I had a spat with Johno yesterday about something stupid... Reduced to tears in the end. I don't know; I suddenly remembered he was going to like go away for a longlonglong time and I couldn't like let him leave without at least trying to patch things up with him cause he may not come back and all, but by then I had already stormed off into my room and I didn't know what to do so I decided to like just go to sleep... Then Conrad came in and started saying things which made me feel even worse but I guess he was correct and I love him for doing so cause well, everything's all right with everyone now. Thanks to Raddy for always being there for me! XD. And look. I'll always be looking out for you too, whenever you need me man...

Anyways it's getting really late and I'm getting rather tired and tomorrow there's no lesson except CHEENA and CCA and mentoring... Gonna be really boring man. And I gotta change my bag to the new one XD. ZINC ROCKS XD!!

Once again, thanks to everyone who made this day special for me. I don't forget the old debts, and you'll be surprised at the convenient time I usually pay them back. XD

A new private server...

People are too busy with a new private server to play with me... You would think that since he might like die in 3 days or so in some weird country in China or something he might wanna spend more time with people... or that's what I would do anyways. But no one's like bothering to play with me liao... Very sad...

They're setting up a new server, which I bet is gonna be really laggy due to school internet. I dont know at all, I think I'll like stick to studying really hard for Bio and English and Lit and Maths this year. And that's all, unless Chem turns out to be really fun and stuff. So maybe no maple at all, whoever may host the server.

Unless, of course, if I have loads of free time on my hands.

Anyways, they asked us to go down to the library today for study time. I'm not going at all, like I said yesterday. I can't study there at all, and anyways, it's super noisy now with so many people going down cause of the 3.5 CAP limit. Also, most of them waste their time talking and whatnot; I'll rather be alone in my room doing my own homework, I get it done and over with quickly and I have totally lesser distractions. I have a com which I need to type on, I can simply sleep once I'm done or at least rest, and what's more, I don't have to freeze in the library waiting for 9.30 when you can finally go back to your room.

It's useless down there; I don't see a point going there myself, it's not going to help my grades, it's only going to push them down. It's just that the school or the hostel has some stupid mentality that oh, let's send all the stupid people to the library, and hopefully, due to the great big "STUDY AURA" of the library, they'll get better grades. And they're setting the benchmark of 3.5 so high because they simply want to play safe; if anyone still gets lower grades at the end of the year, they can say, "oh, we did our best and he's just not working hard.", and if they do well enough, they can simply say: "Look, our system works perfectly.".

It's all just some showing off stunt to (obviously) show off to like the rest of the world that we have the bestest, world class, hostel studying school experience. Retards. So I'm not going down there at all, and all these reason will totally support my argument:

Firstly, I can bet that if I go down to the library, my CAP this sem will definitely be lower then that of last sem. I'm 100% positive that I don't need the library to help me "push up" my grades.

Secondly, if I do go to the library, I won't study there. I won't carry a heavy book down just to please someone "high up there", when I can simply study in my own room. Also, most of my work takes place on the computer; I'm not bringing that down since I have a room here, and even if I did, it's going to die in like 30- 45 mins. And with the highly inflated population at the library, do you seriously think that I can get a spot to plug it in? And say I start doing work on it, and the power dies. What do I do for the rest of the time there? And since my work is mostly Lit, I'll probably lose my train of thought. It's so obviously fraught with so many problems...

Thirdly, it's not a conducive environment. Like I said, it's so noisy down there already with the bursting new population, and you want to squeeze more people inside? It's hard to study in the main library where you can't discuss, and even in the discussion room, it's both too noisy with so many people, and also wayyy too crowded.

So I'm not going down. At all. If anyone wants to drag me down, they can try. But I'll wager with them that if I do go down, I'll 110% get a much lower CAP then if I had stayed up in my room , and definitely a much lower CAP then last sem. Kudos.

We're finally back in hostel

First day of school... What a horrible timetable. It's stupid how they want to kill us with great big breaks in between one hour lessons.

Also, apparently anyone with a CAP below 3.5 has to go to the library for study time. I'm obviously not going; it's useless to go there anyways, you spend your time sleeping or feeling cold. And I can't study down there, it's too big a group and I can't keep quiet when I'm studying. What's more, my Cap is only just below 3.5, and I don't see why they think going to the library will improve my grades. Or anyone else's for that matter.

Good luck on getting me to go down. Ever.

And then he said...

Terribly tired the whole day today. Yesterday was killer tiring and I guess I'm still feeling the after-effects of it. Woke really late today. Ached everywhere until di came over. Kena whacked all over but it felt so wonderful. Maybe I'll suffer bruises for a week afterwards but hahas.

At least kor can cycle now (sort of). And we're gonna cycle one of these days and practice on the track or field or something. So he won't keep popping out that leg everytime he stops. And if our timetable is as empty as before it'll help to kill some of the boring spare times.

Aches slowly returning... Getting di to massage more is fun. Too bad so expensive...

I have made a promise to myself not to talk to Johno. At all. Any way at all. Hmph. Unfortunately it gets really boring at home. *sigh*

Dinnering... Feeling a little sad now. -.-

It's way too late

to apologise.

Feeling sad. No one wants to go swimming tomorrow. So I guess I'll go myself. Again. More like as usual. When did we lose our childhood?

I don't even feel the same as them anymore. They have different ways of having fun; like they're all gonna play frisbee for the whole day. No one wants to go swimming, or playing with sand or just playing in the water. It's so different, and it's not as fun as before. I wish everything would just go back to the way it was long ago.

I used to have fun just by myself, or with a few friends. We didn't need computers or had to go out and play badminton or frisbee or whatnot. We just had fun talking and chatting and hanging out. On the rare occasion, we would go swim in the pool, and when my di first met me, all we used to do was that. We used to go out and talk and walk around TM, or parkway... Have lunch, head over to his house or someone else's for some Playstation, have dinner there maybe, then head home. That's how I used to spend my whole holidays. And I guess that's why he's still my best friend, and that's why I don't seem to have one here. Everyone has to go out and watch a movie, or "do an activity". We can't have a proper slacking off time, really, truly doing NOTHING.

We (meaning sponge shenglian maybe aleem? or huiting salmah or liyong) used to go to siglap mac's and stay there till almost 6 or even 7 sometimes. Straight after school at 2.30 or so, all the way to the evening. That's hanging out, and that's having fun.

Now when I ask people to go to Mac's to do just that, it's always either they're too tired, or they have no money, or there's no time or a waste of time, or they just don't want to cause it's lame. And that's for almost everything I ask, except for things like frisbee (which I never ask for. I haven't liked frisbee since I made Ryan's teeth bleed in Pri 5 or 6 or something from that stupidly thrown frisbee.)

I don't get it la... A best friend is like supposed to go do stuff with you unless its like killing yourself or something. I know if anyone asked me to like waste a whole day at starbucks or Mac's or even at Sentosa I would say yes immediately, unless I was allergic to something like water and couldn't swim, or I was busy, or I reallyreally can't stand like say rock climbing. Then he shouldn't be asking me to go in the first place. Not that I hate rock climbing or swimming or stuff... But if someone asked me to go watch a movie that I've watched before, I think I'll just go again if I have the time and money. It's what friends do. It's what friends should do. It's what I have with sponge, or I used to have... It's what I used to have with Huiting too. And Val and Poh-e And Daryl and Hoyin and Aleem and Shenglian and Boon and Alain and Yichao.

Yet it's something I don't have here. The sad fact is, in coming here, I know I've lost more than what I gained in terms of an advantage in life and studies. Who cares about those when you have to give up great people, great classes, and even greater friends. After all, people are more important than anything else. Sometimes I think I'm one of few who understand that. Cause simply I know that if my friends have to break everything I own (almost everything) in order to have fun or learn life experiences, I know I could still live with that in the end.

Like if they mess up my car or spill drinks in it in the future, I wouldn't care less (unless it's on purpose). Which is more important in life: your possessions, or your relationships? In the end, on your deathbed, it's not grades or cars or houses or land deeds you're going to want to hug or kiss or spend time with. It's your friends, your family, your kids, your wife. And they're all people. SO who cares about grades. I'll take the chance at making more friends then having good grades, anytime, any day.

I've lost it, and its a slim chance to ever get those things back. Like Daryl said and like I quoted in the previous post, "We should have stopped time at Sec 2". And once again, I have to say I agree fully. Growing up is a painful thing to do. We should have stopped time. We really should have.

The things that you forgot...

Are the things that matter most.

"I wish we had stopped time at Sec 2". Words from my best friend Daryl. Or daledan. It was always a cool name. And yeah, I do wish that too... It's sad, seeing how things have changed. We're all different now; what's worse is knowing that this might have all been  better. And it's all because of me. Or at least a choice I made. Not like I was essential to their survival or anything... But I get the feeling that I hurt them alot when I left. And... things changed after I left; that's the way I see it. I mean, I would never want anyone to leave right now, ever again; if that happened I guessed I would feel really depressed and angry at them for leaving even though I won't ever say it to them, and I'll feel all betrayed and stuff but I'll never ever ever let them know.....

GAH. getting emotional. But I'm really sick of this already. We should have stopped time. We should have like taken millions of photos every event. This is why I need a camera. Screw my parents. Always no money. When I have kids the first thing they're gonna get when they hit Sec 1 is a camera. Preferably video. I guess the lesson learned is to treasure what you have, even though it seems to last forever. I mean, when I started Sec 1, I never realised I would one day be failing Chinese not in Temasek, but in NUSHS. And I never though about actually getting to Sec 4 or now, JC 1. I guess in short... I never thought I would grow up.

It's weird thinking back now. I never used to give a heck about my future. It was all about streaming, getting into triple science classes, getting maybe a 5-7 for O levels? Basically I was thinking about getting into Victoria JC, or at least TJC; if not then I'll follow Sponge to TPJC or something like that... And that was the end of my goals. Now I'm thinking about army (seriously. who would have thought), and A levels, and Universities, and overseas trips, and even maybe coming back here to teach something... It's so scary. I don't think I'll make it.

And I'm actually starting to think about things like friends dying and stuff. And chances are that 30% of all my friends are not going to die of old age, and definitely some are going to die like, suddenly. And I'll look back and wonder what would I have done right now, if I had known, right now, that they were going to, say, die in a car accident at age 3x, or something like that. And I had better start taking pictures, and start doing things, cause you never know what might happen...

And a part of me is always saying that I should just go out and have fun to treasure what remaining time I have left with my friends; yet the more practical part of me keeps saying that, no, I can't go off hot air ballooning around the world, or going to the Great Barrier Reef, or going to Africa to catch animals for some zoo, or going to Ayers rock and the Grand Canyon, or the Sahara, or taking a 28 day OBS course, or going to Japan to try out those great big hot spring things, or travelling to Antarctica to see penguins, or going to Canada to see snow; all with Johno or Conrad or korkor or someone cause no, you've got to like get married and find a job and have kids, then you have to settle down and like be in one place cause I can't and I won't move my kids from place to place... And another part of me just screams out to get my butt out there, cause if people are dying... We have to help them, and save them. We can't just let them all die like that, we have to show them God and save them and whatnot, it's not right... And it's ok to die after you've accepted Christ, cause in the end we'll still be together and stuff... But not when you haven't! It's all so screwed up...

I'm so tired... I can't take much more of this anymore...

I don't know...

Well, back from astro camp... Kinda pissed at korkor... we were supposed to go out to watch Kung Fu panda tomorrow... Was really looking forward to it the whole camp then now he says he's watched it already.

I mean maybe to him it's nothing and I could just watch it myself or get a dvd or download it or watch it online or whatever, but I was really looking forward to like going out with him and slacking off tomorrow... *feels sad*

Anyways if you noticed its Friday the 13th... Just a note hahas. Hope nothing bad's gonna happen to Johno at KK, I'm kinda really worried... o.O.

I realised I actually miss school alot; I'll rather be at school with friends then slack off at home with nothing to do... Weird huh...

Haizz. Really disappointed about tomorrow... At least Tuesday there's a Sentosa trip. Gonna grab Johno and force him to go swimming XD. I wonder if Raddy is going too.. O.o. Kor's going too, and we're gonna teach him how to cycle hahas. Anyways.... tired now... I've been tired ever since the start of astro camp. Weird. Maybe I should go find a doctor... I probably have cancer or some energy draining disease... Seriously. That would be fun. It could be my IR; A Study On The Symptoms, Conditions, and Treatment of Cancer. COOL XD.