It's way too late

to apologise.

Feeling sad. No one wants to go swimming tomorrow. So I guess I'll go myself. Again. More like as usual. When did we lose our childhood?

I don't even feel the same as them anymore. They have different ways of having fun; like they're all gonna play frisbee for the whole day. No one wants to go swimming, or playing with sand or just playing in the water. It's so different, and it's not as fun as before. I wish everything would just go back to the way it was long ago.

I used to have fun just by myself, or with a few friends. We didn't need computers or had to go out and play badminton or frisbee or whatnot. We just had fun talking and chatting and hanging out. On the rare occasion, we would go swim in the pool, and when my di first met me, all we used to do was that. We used to go out and talk and walk around TM, or parkway... Have lunch, head over to his house or someone else's for some Playstation, have dinner there maybe, then head home. That's how I used to spend my whole holidays. And I guess that's why he's still my best friend, and that's why I don't seem to have one here. Everyone has to go out and watch a movie, or "do an activity". We can't have a proper slacking off time, really, truly doing NOTHING.

We (meaning sponge shenglian maybe aleem? or huiting salmah or liyong) used to go to siglap mac's and stay there till almost 6 or even 7 sometimes. Straight after school at 2.30 or so, all the way to the evening. That's hanging out, and that's having fun.

Now when I ask people to go to Mac's to do just that, it's always either they're too tired, or they have no money, or there's no time or a waste of time, or they just don't want to cause it's lame. And that's for almost everything I ask, except for things like frisbee (which I never ask for. I haven't liked frisbee since I made Ryan's teeth bleed in Pri 5 or 6 or something from that stupidly thrown frisbee.)

I don't get it la... A best friend is like supposed to go do stuff with you unless its like killing yourself or something. I know if anyone asked me to like waste a whole day at starbucks or Mac's or even at Sentosa I would say yes immediately, unless I was allergic to something like water and couldn't swim, or I was busy, or I reallyreally can't stand like say rock climbing. Then he shouldn't be asking me to go in the first place. Not that I hate rock climbing or swimming or stuff... But if someone asked me to go watch a movie that I've watched before, I think I'll just go again if I have the time and money. It's what friends do. It's what friends should do. It's what I have with sponge, or I used to have... It's what I used to have with Huiting too. And Val and Poh-e And Daryl and Hoyin and Aleem and Shenglian and Boon and Alain and Yichao.

Yet it's something I don't have here. The sad fact is, in coming here, I know I've lost more than what I gained in terms of an advantage in life and studies. Who cares about those when you have to give up great people, great classes, and even greater friends. After all, people are more important than anything else. Sometimes I think I'm one of few who understand that. Cause simply I know that if my friends have to break everything I own (almost everything) in order to have fun or learn life experiences, I know I could still live with that in the end.

Like if they mess up my car or spill drinks in it in the future, I wouldn't care less (unless it's on purpose). Which is more important in life: your possessions, or your relationships? In the end, on your deathbed, it's not grades or cars or houses or land deeds you're going to want to hug or kiss or spend time with. It's your friends, your family, your kids, your wife. And they're all people. SO who cares about grades. I'll take the chance at making more friends then having good grades, anytime, any day.

I've lost it, and its a slim chance to ever get those things back. Like Daryl said and like I quoted in the previous post, "We should have stopped time at Sec 2". And once again, I have to say I agree fully. Growing up is a painful thing to do. We should have stopped time. We really should have.