Are the things that matter most.
"I wish we had stopped time at Sec 2". Words from my best friend Daryl. Or daledan. It was always a cool name. And yeah, I do wish that too... It's sad, seeing how things have changed. We're all different now; what's worse is knowing that this might have all been better. And it's all because of me. Or at least a choice I made. Not like I was essential to their survival or anything... But I get the feeling that I hurt them alot when I left. And... things changed after I left; that's the way I see it. I mean, I would never want anyone to leave right now, ever again; if that happened I guessed I would feel really depressed and angry at them for leaving even though I won't ever say it to them, and I'll feel all betrayed and stuff but I'll never ever ever let them know.....
GAH. getting emotional. But I'm really sick of this already. We should have stopped time. We should have like taken millions of photos every event. This is why I need a camera. Screw my parents. Always no money. When I have kids the first thing they're gonna get when they hit Sec 1 is a camera. Preferably video. I guess the lesson learned is to treasure what you have, even though it seems to last forever. I mean, when I started Sec 1, I never realised I would one day be failing Chinese not in Temasek, but in NUSHS. And I never though about actually getting to Sec 4 or now, JC 1. I guess in short... I never thought I would grow up.
It's weird thinking back now. I never used to give a heck about my future. It was all about streaming, getting into triple science classes, getting maybe a 5-7 for O levels? Basically I was thinking about getting into Victoria JC, or at least TJC; if not then I'll follow Sponge to TPJC or something like that... And that was the end of my goals. Now I'm thinking about army (seriously. who would have thought), and A levels, and Universities, and overseas trips, and even maybe coming back here to teach something... It's so scary. I don't think I'll make it.
And I'm actually starting to think about things like friends dying and stuff. And chances are that 30% of all my friends are not going to die of old age, and definitely some are going to die like, suddenly. And I'll look back and wonder what would I have done right now, if I had known, right now, that they were going to, say, die in a car accident at age 3x, or something like that. And I had better start taking pictures, and start doing things, cause you never know what might happen...
And a part of me is always saying that I should just go out and have fun to treasure what remaining time I have left with my friends; yet the more practical part of me keeps saying that, no, I can't go off hot air ballooning around the world, or going to the Great Barrier Reef, or going to Africa to catch animals for some zoo, or going to Ayers rock and the Grand Canyon, or the Sahara, or taking a 28 day OBS course, or going to Japan to try out those great big hot spring things, or travelling to Antarctica to see penguins, or going to Canada to see snow; all with Johno or Conrad or korkor or someone cause no, you've got to like get married and find a job and have kids, then you have to settle down and like be in one place cause I can't and I won't move my kids from place to place... And another part of me just screams out to get my butt out there, cause if people are dying... We have to help them, and save them. We can't just let them all die like that, we have to show them God and save them and whatnot, it's not right... And it's ok to die after you've accepted Christ, cause in the end we'll still be together and stuff... But not when you haven't! It's all so screwed up...
I'm so tired... I can't take much more of this anymore...
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