Camp next week

Friday and saturday next week. ODAC camp. Wheee.

*Survive until canoeing. SURVIVE UNTIL CANOEING. MUST... SURVIVE! FOR CANOEING...*

The new year 5s in ODAC seem to be okay. They're mostly decent, but I can't get used to such a big group. But they're fun! And you can talk to them! But they're crazy and fun! Unfortunately no matter how many times I say that I can't say I love big groups. At least they're not irritating. Or mouthy. Or love talking back. Or trying to undermine you. Or being rude. Grrr. Anyways Johno says we'll see first, but somehow... I don't know. There's distance. And it's been there for... a very very long time I guess. Haizz.

Another thing is the astro trip... Which reminds me to get the number of people going from Yeye. Gah not online. Diaoness.

I think I'll donate blood on 26th june. Then I can tell my kids that the first thing I did when I turned 18 was to donate blood. So cool right. Then donate again in Sept, exactly 3 months after that with Johno. then again for Christmas. Haha.

I think I'll go sleep soon. So I'll publish this first bah hahas...

Meaning unmeaningly

Sometimes everything just seems so empty. And it's happening alot nowadays.

There's alot of emotions going on, all at once.

I think I'm going insane.

I don't mean that in a joking way.

It's for real.

As if that matters.

Knowing doesn't make things easier...

My legs still hurt really badly. D:

And I'm still coughing and sniffing and I can't seem to breathe properly. I really Ms Lee doesn't pump us so hard for PE tomorrow, I don't think I can take it.

Enough about my poor health now... I realised that I miss wrestling with wenny alot. We went to his place today and it was so fun fighting with him on his bed. Until his knee hit my nose. It's still a little sore. And that adds another part of me that hurts...

I keep wondering about how ODAC's gonna change. It was fun on Monday playing Captain's ball. Eugene and Ada came over to play with us, and it was damn fun. Maybe because there was like so little people. And we kept doing stupid things like throwing the ball halfway across the track and having Eugene actually catch it. Amazing right. And everything's going to change on the 30th. Jack says it's gonna become like a runner's association. I guess all you need is Mong and Aaron and we have every runner in the level. Oh and Mel too I guess. I hope ODAC doesn't become like a runner CCA. I can't stand running and running all the time. And it wouldn't be fun anymore.

I don't know. I can't stop thinking about all these things and no one seems to be so bothered by them and everytime I bring things up people just do or say the same things over again. Like kor will just ask me to stop whining and go away, and johno will keep trying to maturely reason it out and wave the problem away. Conrad will just make jokes at everything and dumb the issue until it even seems stupid for me to be worrying about it, and wenny... Well wenny listens but he usually can't help much. he's always so busy with music or stuff.

The Fray - How to Save a Life.

That's a really sad song, and I guess that's roughly how I feel now. I'm losing friends, and whatever you try to do to solve my problems or deflect them or ignore them, I think it's still happening.

I feel I should add on to those lines of the poem. Or song. It ends so abruptly... but I guess that may have been the idea of the writer. But the way I imagine it, that story doesn't have a happy ending. At least, not right now, it doesn't.

Why can't anyone understand that I know things have to change, and at the same time I don't want them to change. I don't get how pointing something like "we'll still be friends" or "You'll still keep in touch with them" is supposed to make it any easier. I know we'll still be friends. I know we'll meet up many, many times. I know that this is just the conclusion of a chapter in our lives, and there's so much more we won't see if we don't move on. I know that if I ever want a son and kids I'm going to have to deal with this some way or another. I know that from a purely reasonable point of view we should still go our separate ways and write our own books of life, and blaze our own trail for ourselves. I know that eventually we'll meet again, if we're lucky, then it's on life's path; if not, then in heaven, and I know we'll compare lives then and see all the things we've done, together or otherwise. but I don't see why knowing all that makes any of it any easier.

It's over three years since I left Temasek, and even though now everyone's left too, everytime I think of being there it still hurts. I don't know if it's just me or something, but is it something so hard for anyone else to feel?

I changed the title of this post. It was actually "I'm not looking forward to PE tomorrow... " but I think this reflects my mental state much more accurately. Maybe it's the knee on the nose talking. Maybe it's the consumption of what should be an illegal amount of ice-cream (1.5L and counting after I got home). Maybe it's because I'm hurting so much everywhere. Or maybe it's just my severe lack of sleep. On that note, goodnight.

Once again, I'm sick

Nothing has changed at all since Wednesday... I think I'm going to be aching for the rest of my time here... ODAC on Monday and Friday, PE on Wednesday... Judging by yesterday's PT session, there's probably no time for anything to heal off before I've got to torture myself again.

And I'm officially sick again. Some kind of flu thing, my nose is blocked and I've got a cough and a slight fever. I took medicine for I think it's going to last till Monday. What a great way to spend the weekend. Then it's back to school and training.

I shouldn't have gone for Astro or something. Didn't really do much cause I was so tired. Couldn't even climb the stairs to level 3. And I'm still tired after waking at 11am today. Sucks la...

I HATE RUNNING. Or I need chocolate at least to do it. Thanks Lux for the chocolate. I'll buy chocolate for the next few ODAC PT sessions. I can't get used to the rhythm of the crunches though. I'm just too used to going up and down at my own speed. I kept going down automatically after going up and then I have to go up again to do it with everyone else. And the push-ups were killer, not because we had to go down all the way but we had to lie on the floor. It's the rest periods between the push-ups that made me like super tired la. But I think I did pretty well, in spite of having a funny nose at that time. I kept breathing in the sand and dust on the floor from the pushups, and I had this urge to keep sneezing. Other than the fact that I was almost sick, it was quite fun. Especially after the chocolate. XD

Maybe I should employ some massager person to get rid of the aches every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Or buy an OSIM chair. Or just get Josh and Lennard... Lol sorry guys XD.

Still have to do English. Hand up on Monday. I hate doing newspaper cutouts, especially if the rationale is to "make sure we read them" Retarded. Then there's stats and Lit too. Lit looks fine, but stats looks horrible. 5 questions, and it's all on a new subject. Hopefully stats can be done by tonight. I'll just look for tomorrow's Reflect section to do English. And Lit can be done like later or tomorrow, it's a reading article thing, so... Other than that there's still Bio, which looks horribly hard to do. Loads to write somemore. Chem will have to wait for the lab notebook to return to me... And that's it for next week!! Hahas.

I hope the info about the Feb trip comes soon. We need to tell Mr Leek and anyways I'm hoping ODAC can come along too. So there's still alot of work to be done, and hopefully I don't collapse so soon, cause it's just going to build up. Looks like this sem isn't as easy as I first thought it would be.

Then there's prom planning, and Tioman trip planning, and Astro workplan to settle. Haizzzz....

I hope I don't get so beat up on Monday. I would love to be able to feel my pectorals without pain again...

Theo aches everywhere...

P.E was kinda stupidly difficult today. I think I hate leg lifts now... Then had to shower without soap cause johno took so long to go shower. In the end just shower when aaron suddenly came in. Ah wells...

Learned abit of knitting thing from shelly. Kinda repetitive. I think it's murder on the hands la, you keep doing that motion again and again. Slowly drain the life out of your hands... LOL.

I'm totally addicted to James Morrison's Broken Strings. Yeah. Go search for it yourself. It's a nice song. Hahahas...

I thin I'm gonna go sleep soon. I'm really tired and I ache everywhere. ZZZ

P.E. tomorrow!!!

I'm packing for tomorrow's P.E lesson. I think P.E is fun, except for running...

Needa pack so many things, and I don't have a nice shoe bag to pack it all in... Sian la. I asked someone to kope a bag from somewhere but apparently not showing... lol.

Packing's always a difficult thing to do since hostel. Now I gotta bring towel, clothes, socks, etc... Luckily don't need soap cause johno dug up some from somewhere. It has those little stony bits inside it that sort of disappear after awhile. It's super cool la! XD.

He says it's for like rubbing off dead skin or something. Kind a weird way to do it right? I thought it would be some sort of massage thing. Expensive soap, that.

I just had a thought about the soap; maybe that's how they get skinless chicken!!! They just rub it on the chicken and then when the stones disappear then you get skinless chicken! So easy la. Cool right...

THINGS TO BUY: shoe bag o.O

I want one of the carabina thingies from the ODAC booth!! I didn't get to kope them on the Friday cause of the Astro meeting. I didn't guess it would drag that long la. Actually lucky, we had food to eat afterwards. Nice food somemore, though it was abit weird. Like the chicken was dry but i guess that's because it's been left out so long. And the dessert was some weird cold dish of fruits and something like mayo. But it was still nice, and the bread was just so simple and good, with egg and cheese. I didn't care for the egg though, I don't really like hard-boiled egg, it makes my stomach rather weird if I eat alot of it. Still, for free food, it was REALLY GREAT!! I wonder if they'll serve more of this kind of buffet at the yr 6 Parents session thingie. I hope so... XD

There's P.E tomorrow; YH and Lenny's the P.E. rep for the entire year. Or so. I hope we don't do so much training, there's already PT for ODAC on Monday and outings to canoe or rock-climb or stuff like that on Friday. And I have to come back for astro too. So it's like so much training liao, if Wednesday also got training = die. I'll start getting aches that will not go away forever...

It's so tiring to travel here and there everyday, next time I'll like rent a room for my son if he ever gets into NUS High... After I tell him everything about the school and send him to a whole board of psychiatrists.

OH, there's the focus group thing coming up somewhere in April. Our last time to complain to them le. LOL. I still remember Mr Ng sending us to go do the first ever focus group discussion thing. Just because me and YH can apparently talk nonsense. Then send us to go for it. Then added Bao. Or something like that la. Super hilarious man...

I hope the Punngai trip gets through. And I hope the ODAC people can make it too, it'll be super fun. Though I need to confirm the Astro side first. And find out how many we can send. *wonders when the info will come in.* And I kinda hope nothing changes so much in ODAC. So many people are joining and stuff la, I think it's not going to be very fun le. At least we'll be doing canoeing. FINALLY!! I have a strange feeling I'm not going to be very good in it already, I've wasted away in the so many years since the last time I canoed... I can't seem to be totally good in everything la. I don't care much about the academic stuff; I'm never going to be good in those kinds of things anyways. But canoeing, going out and doing stuff, astro, physio or even normal stuff... I can't seem to be like really good in just one thing. Dancing, singing, whatever... like I'm just not good in anything. Since coming to this school, I can't even have fun properly. There's always no one to go out and be crazy with me, everyone always wants to play com or rock-climb or do something structured... Like only reiko could just go out and slack around and still make it fun, or stay at home and anyhow whack songs to sing and stuff.

Sometimes I feel like I don't even belong here much. I mean, modules like physio or IR are nice to do, and if I never came here I wouldn't have done so much astro or even outdoor stuff. But the point is like everyone here seems to be OK with just rock-climbing or com playing or LAN gaming or doing homework or... that's it I guess. I don't know... Sometimes I just feel like everyone here has forgotten how fun it is to just sit down together and sing a song or poke each other, or even watch people play on the PS or XBOX or something... I remember we used to have fun just going to someone's house and reading a book. We screwed up the stories or the words or the expressions in the book, and we had an even better time than going out or "getting a hobby". We used to go crazy trying to dance to songs that'll we'll play, and we used to think that "tuo diao" was the greatest chinese song in the world and that we should keep the volume down when we played it cause of parents outside... The guys just didn't care about anything anyone said, and we were so easy with each other and everyone else. We knew that what we said would stay with whoever heard it, and everyone could trust everyone else.

Now here, there's someone sniping at you at every other word you say, or spoiling things with blatant discriminatory things. It was never an issue back then I guess, and everyone here is so uptight about these things... I'm not talking about racist stuff cause 99.999% of the time it's all for fun; we're perfectly capable of laughing at jokes or slurs about ourselves and usually, that's how it starts anyways. Those aren't a problem. I guess things just don't seem so open with everyone else anymore.

Well... it's always weird how I get carried away like that and write until I suddenly look up and feel really tired and notice it's like 11pm... Time tends to bend weirdly around me. Hmm...

I'm not angry

or anything... I'm just kind of disappointed that even you would want to work against me.

I hope you know what you're doing... I mean I understand your argument about how you think I'm doing this for myself and all, but I think you should take a look at what your reason is for opposing the swap. If you absolutely love the new classrooms and would like to stay there for the rest of the year then yes, it's a valid argument; put together a group of you and talk to me or something.

But don't oppose me because you think I'm doing this all for my own, that I'm the only one who wants it. I've already done my best to find out who actually seriously opposes the classroom swap; so far no one has done anything, and I've gone ahead with my own plans.

Even so, it's not a final decision. If Mr Chua decides to approve it, we still have to decide whether we want to move back or not. Whether the Yr 3s will agree to the shift back or not. Whether there are serious opponents to shifting back or not.

My point is, I don't mind if you come to me and say you would rather have the new classrooms. Then we'll take your opinion into account, and see what we can do. But I don't want to be discouraged or stuff by people who oppose me because they think it's wrong for me to "think entirely of what I want". As far as I know, the worst case scenario that I've known about is: "I can't really be bothered, both ways are fine."

If both ways are fine, then why object to shifting back? Answer that question truthfully first, then get back to me.

If it's about how you think I shouldn't be "speaking on behalf of the whole level", then bring that up separately and don't confuse it with this issue.

If it's about "I REALLY REALLY WANT the NEW classrooms, I HATED the old ones, why didn't this happen sooner", then why is there no objection so far?

And if it's: "I want the old classrooms really badly", or "I prefer the old classrooms, but don't mind the new either", or "I don't freaking care about either as long we have a classroom", then just don't say anything, cause I'm already on it.

From my point of view, I think that even if the whole level was "I don't care, as long as we have a classroom", and there was only one person who wanted the old classrooms, I still think that we should at least try to move. If there's no objection to moving back, then surely the door is wide open to move back! Don't confuse the issue with: "It's a hassle to move back now", or "Why is he stirring up so much trouble", because you should have taken that into account when you answered.

I've already tried to keep this as low-key as possible; as long as there's no strong objection to moving back, I don't see why I need to trouble people with extra worry and work. I've offered to personally email all the teachers involved in the swap, and personally go to the Yr 3 classes and see if they're willing to change with us. There isn't any hassle for the average person, just the fact that you have to remember to go up to "Blk D 5th storey" instead of "Blk B 4th storey". 

If that's too hard for you, then I can't help there, and you should have answered with: "I'll really rather have the new classrooms. I love them and I'll rather not change back."

I hope this is the end of it, because it's a stupid thing to bring up and it doesn't help anything.