My legs still hurt really badly. D:
And I'm still coughing and sniffing and I can't seem to breathe properly. I really Ms Lee doesn't pump us so hard for PE tomorrow, I don't think I can take it.
Enough about my poor health now... I realised that I miss wrestling with wenny alot. We went to his place today and it was so fun fighting with him on his bed. Until his knee hit my nose. It's still a little sore. And that adds another part of me that hurts...
I keep wondering about how ODAC's gonna change. It was fun on Monday playing Captain's ball. Eugene and Ada came over to play with us, and it was damn fun. Maybe because there was like so little people. And we kept doing stupid things like throwing the ball halfway across the track and having Eugene actually catch it. Amazing right. And everything's going to change on the 30th. Jack says it's gonna become like a runner's association. I guess all you need is Mong and Aaron and we have every runner in the level. Oh and Mel too I guess. I hope ODAC doesn't become like a runner CCA. I can't stand running and running all the time. And it wouldn't be fun anymore.
I don't know. I can't stop thinking about all these things and no one seems to be so bothered by them and everytime I bring things up people just do or say the same things over again. Like kor will just ask me to stop whining and go away, and johno will keep trying to maturely reason it out and wave the problem away. Conrad will just make jokes at everything and dumb the issue until it even seems stupid for me to be worrying about it, and wenny... Well wenny listens but he usually can't help much. he's always so busy with music or stuff.
The Fray - How to Save a Life.
That's a really sad song, and I guess that's roughly how I feel now. I'm losing friends, and whatever you try to do to solve my problems or deflect them or ignore them, I think it's still happening.
I feel I should add on to those lines of the poem. Or song. It ends so abruptly... but I guess that may have been the idea of the writer. But the way I imagine it, that story doesn't have a happy ending. At least, not right now, it doesn't.
Why can't anyone understand that I know things have to change, and at the same time I don't want them to change. I don't get how pointing something like "we'll still be friends" or "You'll still keep in touch with them" is supposed to make it any easier. I know we'll still be friends. I know we'll meet up many, many times. I know that this is just the conclusion of a chapter in our lives, and there's so much more we won't see if we don't move on. I know that if I ever want a son and kids I'm going to have to deal with this some way or another. I know that from a purely reasonable point of view we should still go our separate ways and write our own books of life, and blaze our own trail for ourselves. I know that eventually we'll meet again, if we're lucky, then it's on life's path; if not, then in heaven, and I know we'll compare lives then and see all the things we've done, together or otherwise. but I don't see why knowing all that makes any of it any easier.
It's over three years since I left Temasek, and even though now everyone's left too, everytime I think of being there it still hurts. I don't know if it's just me or something, but is it something so hard for anyone else to feel?
I changed the title of this post. It was actually "I'm not looking forward to PE tomorrow... " but I think this reflects my mental state much more accurately. Maybe it's the knee on the nose talking. Maybe it's the consumption of what should be an illegal amount of ice-cream (1.5L and counting after I got home). Maybe it's because I'm hurting so much everywhere. Or maybe it's just my severe lack of sleep. On that note, goodnight.
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