I'm so screwed up

Sometimes I'm so happy and other times, I'm just this dead person who doesn't have an interest in life around me... Like now.

I realized I need someone to really like understand me and stuff... But people in this school are too busy with their work and stuff I guess, and it's not really fair to ask them to give that up just for me...

I really miss Temasek now... I'm just screwed up that way I guess. Sometimes I can think back on it and just feel really happy that I've actually been there in the first place, but sometimes I really feel like I did something really stupid when I left it for this place. There, I always had someone to care about me, and though I wasn't like what you could say "popular", I think I had the perfect set of friends. Friends who like stuck together and joked together and bitched together and were always there when I needed them. And I hope I was every bit as good to them as they were to me. Cause in the end, I think we'll be remembered for our friendships and our relationships, not by our academic results or financial situations.

Because if one is solely concerned with simply getting good grades and earning money, you would get friends, no doubt, but I feel that there's always that aura of suspicion over that sort of  friendship; the mentality of: "Is he just befriending me because of my grades/money/power?"

Whereas if friendships are built from the foundation up, if there is nothing to like about a person and one can still be friends with him; well, it just shows that that is a true friend indeed. And I really had that in Temasek. The guys really knew how to make me feel better, no matter what, and frankly I only remember a few times when I was unhappy and emo-ing, and those were for really good reasons, like when I got 2nd in English by half a mark, or when I quarreled with someone or stupid stuff like that. Now it looks like every night I'm feeling depressed... and I can't help but feel like no one notices or even cares. Only Johno seems to notice, and I gotta thank him for that Saturday when I think he sat by me until I fell asleep... On Conrad's bed. LOL.

I guess the reason why I'm feeling really depressed now is because I totally didn't understand anything in the AP chemistry lesson just now. Normally this wouldn't affect me though... hmm.

Thinking back, I think it was more of the total unfairness that some people would be getting their Internet cut at twelve just because they are "academically at risk". What bull is that. If they could get rid of the ridiculous English Monday lessons, I'm sure we would all be out of "risk". You force stuff on us, and when we can't cope, you "help" us by removing more relaxing time. Retards.

And also for the four people who now are banned from returning to hostel before 1pm. I think that's really unfair; firstly, it's not their fault, and secondly, I don't think it's going to solve the problem. If they would get rid of superfluous night lessons, and ridiculous English remedial and retarded stuff like that, I'm sure that we could catch up on more than enough sleep. It's these "let's help them students without them knowing! And lets not care about what they think, it's just good for them!" attitudes that really make me want to beat the shit out of them. Can't we have a say in our lives right now? It's like the only chance that we, as a whole level for once get to enjoy a stay together and you just have to purposely spoil it.

Enough about these people. I'm going to sleep.