Lost

I currently don't know what to do. I think I absolutely hate him, but at the same time I still care. The miseries of a heart that's soft...

I am suffering under delusions; worried sick of events way beyond my control. I should have been concerned about so many other things, but no... Fate decides that right now, right here, I have to carry this plague with me.

The library is a horrible place. He was there; I don't know if I'm avoiding him or not. I sat at a table really far away; yet somehow Providence (or Irony) brought him to my table. Of course, along with a host of other, irritating people.

I don't know. For the first time in a long time I have no options to carry out. Whether this is because of stress, or because I've been so numbed about previous events, or simply because I'm tired... We'll see eventually, I guess. But for now, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing; I seem to be waiting, but... I don't know.

I miss him, though. If nothing else, I have lost a dear friend. Maybe he was one who I haven't treated really well. I hope not, but if so, I'm sorry. Maybe it was his fault, and I simply gave up trying to accommodate him anymore. Maybe he just wasn't living up to what I thought a best friend should be. It's hard to find those nowadays. Everyone's so frightened, about something they shouldn't be afraid of, at all. Every little thing seems dangerous; a risk. People have forgotten ways of friends of old, where the very fact that you loved someone would be enough reason to do things you never knew, you never would do.

Times change. The people change along with it.