We're finally back in hostel

First day of school... What a horrible timetable. It's stupid how they want to kill us with great big breaks in between one hour lessons.

Also, apparently anyone with a CAP below 3.5 has to go to the library for study time. I'm obviously not going; it's useless to go there anyways, you spend your time sleeping or feeling cold. And I can't study down there, it's too big a group and I can't keep quiet when I'm studying. What's more, my Cap is only just below 3.5, and I don't see why they think going to the library will improve my grades. Or anyone else's for that matter.

Good luck on getting me to go down. Ever.

And then he said...

Terribly tired the whole day today. Yesterday was killer tiring and I guess I'm still feeling the after-effects of it. Woke really late today. Ached everywhere until di came over. Kena whacked all over but it felt so wonderful. Maybe I'll suffer bruises for a week afterwards but hahas.

At least kor can cycle now (sort of). And we're gonna cycle one of these days and practice on the track or field or something. So he won't keep popping out that leg everytime he stops. And if our timetable is as empty as before it'll help to kill some of the boring spare times.

Aches slowly returning... Getting di to massage more is fun. Too bad so expensive...

I have made a promise to myself not to talk to Johno. At all. Any way at all. Hmph. Unfortunately it gets really boring at home. *sigh*

Dinnering... Feeling a little sad now. -.-

It's way too late

to apologise.

Feeling sad. No one wants to go swimming tomorrow. So I guess I'll go myself. Again. More like as usual. When did we lose our childhood?

I don't even feel the same as them anymore. They have different ways of having fun; like they're all gonna play frisbee for the whole day. No one wants to go swimming, or playing with sand or just playing in the water. It's so different, and it's not as fun as before. I wish everything would just go back to the way it was long ago.

I used to have fun just by myself, or with a few friends. We didn't need computers or had to go out and play badminton or frisbee or whatnot. We just had fun talking and chatting and hanging out. On the rare occasion, we would go swim in the pool, and when my di first met me, all we used to do was that. We used to go out and talk and walk around TM, or parkway... Have lunch, head over to his house or someone else's for some Playstation, have dinner there maybe, then head home. That's how I used to spend my whole holidays. And I guess that's why he's still my best friend, and that's why I don't seem to have one here. Everyone has to go out and watch a movie, or "do an activity". We can't have a proper slacking off time, really, truly doing NOTHING.

We (meaning sponge shenglian maybe aleem? or huiting salmah or liyong) used to go to siglap mac's and stay there till almost 6 or even 7 sometimes. Straight after school at 2.30 or so, all the way to the evening. That's hanging out, and that's having fun.

Now when I ask people to go to Mac's to do just that, it's always either they're too tired, or they have no money, or there's no time or a waste of time, or they just don't want to cause it's lame. And that's for almost everything I ask, except for things like frisbee (which I never ask for. I haven't liked frisbee since I made Ryan's teeth bleed in Pri 5 or 6 or something from that stupidly thrown frisbee.)

I don't get it la... A best friend is like supposed to go do stuff with you unless its like killing yourself or something. I know if anyone asked me to like waste a whole day at starbucks or Mac's or even at Sentosa I would say yes immediately, unless I was allergic to something like water and couldn't swim, or I was busy, or I reallyreally can't stand like say rock climbing. Then he shouldn't be asking me to go in the first place. Not that I hate rock climbing or swimming or stuff... But if someone asked me to go watch a movie that I've watched before, I think I'll just go again if I have the time and money. It's what friends do. It's what friends should do. It's what I have with sponge, or I used to have... It's what I used to have with Huiting too. And Val and Poh-e And Daryl and Hoyin and Aleem and Shenglian and Boon and Alain and Yichao.

Yet it's something I don't have here. The sad fact is, in coming here, I know I've lost more than what I gained in terms of an advantage in life and studies. Who cares about those when you have to give up great people, great classes, and even greater friends. After all, people are more important than anything else. Sometimes I think I'm one of few who understand that. Cause simply I know that if my friends have to break everything I own (almost everything) in order to have fun or learn life experiences, I know I could still live with that in the end.

Like if they mess up my car or spill drinks in it in the future, I wouldn't care less (unless it's on purpose). Which is more important in life: your possessions, or your relationships? In the end, on your deathbed, it's not grades or cars or houses or land deeds you're going to want to hug or kiss or spend time with. It's your friends, your family, your kids, your wife. And they're all people. SO who cares about grades. I'll take the chance at making more friends then having good grades, anytime, any day.

I've lost it, and its a slim chance to ever get those things back. Like Daryl said and like I quoted in the previous post, "We should have stopped time at Sec 2". And once again, I have to say I agree fully. Growing up is a painful thing to do. We should have stopped time. We really should have.

The things that you forgot...

Are the things that matter most.

"I wish we had stopped time at Sec 2". Words from my best friend Daryl. Or daledan. It was always a cool name. And yeah, I do wish that too... It's sad, seeing how things have changed. We're all different now; what's worse is knowing that this might have all been  better. And it's all because of me. Or at least a choice I made. Not like I was essential to their survival or anything... But I get the feeling that I hurt them alot when I left. And... things changed after I left; that's the way I see it. I mean, I would never want anyone to leave right now, ever again; if that happened I guessed I would feel really depressed and angry at them for leaving even though I won't ever say it to them, and I'll feel all betrayed and stuff but I'll never ever ever let them know.....

GAH. getting emotional. But I'm really sick of this already. We should have stopped time. We should have like taken millions of photos every event. This is why I need a camera. Screw my parents. Always no money. When I have kids the first thing they're gonna get when they hit Sec 1 is a camera. Preferably video. I guess the lesson learned is to treasure what you have, even though it seems to last forever. I mean, when I started Sec 1, I never realised I would one day be failing Chinese not in Temasek, but in NUSHS. And I never though about actually getting to Sec 4 or now, JC 1. I guess in short... I never thought I would grow up.

It's weird thinking back now. I never used to give a heck about my future. It was all about streaming, getting into triple science classes, getting maybe a 5-7 for O levels? Basically I was thinking about getting into Victoria JC, or at least TJC; if not then I'll follow Sponge to TPJC or something like that... And that was the end of my goals. Now I'm thinking about army (seriously. who would have thought), and A levels, and Universities, and overseas trips, and even maybe coming back here to teach something... It's so scary. I don't think I'll make it.

And I'm actually starting to think about things like friends dying and stuff. And chances are that 30% of all my friends are not going to die of old age, and definitely some are going to die like, suddenly. And I'll look back and wonder what would I have done right now, if I had known, right now, that they were going to, say, die in a car accident at age 3x, or something like that. And I had better start taking pictures, and start doing things, cause you never know what might happen...

And a part of me is always saying that I should just go out and have fun to treasure what remaining time I have left with my friends; yet the more practical part of me keeps saying that, no, I can't go off hot air ballooning around the world, or going to the Great Barrier Reef, or going to Africa to catch animals for some zoo, or going to Ayers rock and the Grand Canyon, or the Sahara, or taking a 28 day OBS course, or going to Japan to try out those great big hot spring things, or travelling to Antarctica to see penguins, or going to Canada to see snow; all with Johno or Conrad or korkor or someone cause no, you've got to like get married and find a job and have kids, then you have to settle down and like be in one place cause I can't and I won't move my kids from place to place... And another part of me just screams out to get my butt out there, cause if people are dying... We have to help them, and save them. We can't just let them all die like that, we have to show them God and save them and whatnot, it's not right... And it's ok to die after you've accepted Christ, cause in the end we'll still be together and stuff... But not when you haven't! It's all so screwed up...

I'm so tired... I can't take much more of this anymore...

I don't know...

Well, back from astro camp... Kinda pissed at korkor... we were supposed to go out to watch Kung Fu panda tomorrow... Was really looking forward to it the whole camp then now he says he's watched it already.

I mean maybe to him it's nothing and I could just watch it myself or get a dvd or download it or watch it online or whatever, but I was really looking forward to like going out with him and slacking off tomorrow... *feels sad*

Anyways if you noticed its Friday the 13th... Just a note hahas. Hope nothing bad's gonna happen to Johno at KK, I'm kinda really worried... o.O.

I realised I actually miss school alot; I'll rather be at school with friends then slack off at home with nothing to do... Weird huh...

Haizz. Really disappointed about tomorrow... At least Tuesday there's a Sentosa trip. Gonna grab Johno and force him to go swimming XD. I wonder if Raddy is going too.. O.o. Kor's going too, and we're gonna teach him how to cycle hahas. Anyways.... tired now... I've been tired ever since the start of astro camp. Weird. Maybe I should go find a doctor... I probably have cancer or some energy draining disease... Seriously. That would be fun. It could be my IR; A Study On The Symptoms, Conditions, and Treatment of Cancer. COOL XD.

Theo's kinda bored now

I've decided to blog again cause I have nothing to do today. This just shows how bad life can get for Theo here.

I'm going to China by the way. Mr Lim says that Johno and Cheryl are going on a different trip from me and Mae and Hongbo. Which is kind of sad. But Johno mentioned something about the "other trip" before, so I'm just hoping it really is a different trip that they're going to, and that they can come to the Aerospace camp too. Cause it's no fun to be stuck in China with barely anyone to talk to. Or bully. Or crap around with. Or fine, there'll be less people to talk and crap and slack with if they turn out to be going for some other trip instead.

Johno's being mean in Lux's room. And I'm going to ignore him from now on. Hmph. Just came up from a session of weirdness with Aaron Rad and Mong... Tried to sing some song that I didn't even know at all, and screwed it up entirely. Was kinda fun though. Unfortunately, I can't think of why they're suddenly thinking of doing a song again. Sheesh I thought it was a phase they left behind after Year 3 or 4. Apparently not.

Tonight I shall pig out on everything my storage has to offer. Seriously. I shall attempt to eat 6  months of provisions in a single night. This shall go down in the World Book of Records. It'll be nice to show my kids a world record at age 17. hmm

I don't understand why they have to play a song that they barely even know. But I guess it's their song, and Aaron seems to like it alot. Some Face Down and Dammit. So yeah, naturally, all screamy kind of songs, and so lesser, much lesser people to try to even sing it.

Johno's pissed at me. I think. I hope I die on the plane. Then he'll feel guilty. Wait. That'll be bad. Maybe I should take that out. Hmm. Decided to leave it in cause it shows how I feel about all this. Hmm. I feel evil now. See what Theo is capable of when he's mad. Haizz. It just shows how caught up with work everyone's been. Haizz. The world crumbles when you hate your best friend. Sort of hate him. zzz

I hope he never finds this blog. It's so embarrassing if he sees all this stuff about him. Hmph. Feeling slightly irritated le. I'm beginning to hate everyone in SLO. *feels beginnings of jealousy, shivers and climbs further away from those cold tendrils.*

Sigh. My life varies from being super duper ultra great and wonderful to being absolutely deep down in the pits.

I'm slacking

But it's not fun at all... I should do an IR on the psychology of slacking or something. Might actually turn up something like with the hormones in the brains of slackers or something... hmm.

Anyways I have finished all exams, finished everything I have to do for SIMC, and I'm officially done with school. Thursday night is the night I'm going off, and with some luck maybe I'll die on the plane either there or back... Would be kind of exciting XD. Maybe kena hijacked, then I'll have an excuse to beat someone up and get rid of all the frustration...

It's veryvery boring here; everyone has something to do except me, and I'm just slacking in my room and wishing I could have something to do. I know exams are over and I should be like out and watching a movie or stuff, but somehow... There just isn't that spirit anymore. School doesn't give me the drive to go out and slack any longer.

I remember in Temasek, we would always go out to Tampinese mall or the Econ minimart after school. It was like school was this really long stressful time where we needed to "get away" from it all by going out to Mac's to waste time till 5 or 6pm. That's not the life I know here now. Everyone mugs so hard for their exams, for 2 months or more, then when finally everything is over (for me at least, there's still relativity exam for physics majors), we can't go out and just have fun at the park, or waste time at Mac's, or play card games in school under the constant threat or being caught, or having to play UNO instead when a teacher finally confiscates poker cards, or ponning school just to spend some time with your best friends... I think there's alot of things in there to cover in this post, as illustrated in there. But it all boils down to the fact that I've definitely lost a huge part of my life and definitely my childhood in coming to this school.

Firstly, we'll start with the 2 month++ exam period. Yup, 2 months and more, and for some of the cohort, still counting. I don't even know if the teachers have figured out that it's really stressful to have a 2 month exam period. It's not the studying, or the amount of sheer mugging you actually do, it's the feeling of having something creeping up on you, coming closer everytime, and that you have no power to stop or even slow down. It's the stress of having to live everyday knowing that there are more exams and more hurdles, and eventually more and more stress just waiting to pass you by. I know I may look really slack in school, (like I barely studied) but still, like I said, the stress comes not from studying but from knowing that you still have exams.

Maybe it's because of the AP exams. Maybe this is like, a once off kind of thing. Whatever it is, it's totally killing the whole level. We haven't had a true break after our exams, and they sign us all up for the Singapore International Mathematics Competition (SIMC). I just completed my jobs though, all I had to do was be a stationmaster in their stupid Amazing Race, and camp at Suntec City from 2pm to 7pm or so... That was all yesterday. Wasting time, as usual. Held multiple observatory tours yesterday and today morning. More wastage of time and energy. No one even turned up today. Stupid VIPs...

I'll rather be a student liaison officer... At least you get to do stuff with friends. Almost everyone in the cohort was in SLO... It's the job that you have to work the most, but I don't mind when we can do it with friends. Now I'm just alone in the hostel; once again, wasting time. And everyone says that I have it good. I say I'll trade my job up with anyone, and then you'll see how great it is.

We obviously have our lives sort of pinioned by the hostel program... Not only that, we all live so far from everyone else that it's so difficult to arrange many things. We can't go out much, we can barely have the time to go to the park and play. It's just not fun anymore. And everyone's like drifting away from each other because there's no way we have the energy or time to even hang out and just BE with each other. No one really cares anymore; I think Aaron's like angry with me or something, he barely talks anymore; wither that or he's just really tired and busy. And Johno and Conrad both have SLO stuff to do, together with the rest of the level... While I'm like stuck here. It's a totally nice life.

I remember part of the fun of post-exam period wasn't just the activities or the leeways that the teachers allowed us; we used to play card games after exams, and part of the fun was knowing that it was illegal and stuff, and hiding them away when teachers popped in or walked by. Now everything is kinda lax; card games have OFFICIALLY been allowed in the school canteen; which sort of takes the fun out of them. Maybe it's true, fun is usually dangerous... But likewise, in hostel rooms, we're allowed to play cards like anytime we like, and suddenly it's gotten quite boring to play cards. It's just something weird to take note of.

Mr Ng's leaving too. Great, right? So now we're left with Mr Toh as our mentor. He's our Chinese teacher! *faints*. That's going to be a really fun 1-and-a-half years ahead. Haizz

Anyways, even at night, no one really bothers to go hang out anymore. It's like the only time where everyone is free and stuff; but no one bothers to care. They all just stay in their rooms, which make me stay in MY room which makes life boring. I wonder what would happen if I died during the holidays. Would everyone wake up or something? Maybe they would finally realize how stupid they've been to mug and stress out until they forgot that studies aren't the only thing in life. Haizz.

There's no hope left for me; I'll survive the rest of this day, survive Rio Tinto tomorrow, then tomorrow night I'll be catching a plane to Melbourne. I wonder wheres Wool-longgong. Would be cool to check out the sheep there. And see if Dr Yong's really cool accent equally affects the rest of the Australian population. Well. We'll see. I guess. One more night to survive, and then hopefully all of this goes away. *goes back to staring at ceiling*