It's a sad case of birthday fever

IT's weird to see people people receiving like a million presents. Especially if you're not chipping in for them. Either that, or its also weird to see people receiving EXPENSIVE presents when you know you didn't chip in for them. Hmm...

I don't really know bah... On one hand its always nice to see people getting presents, and everyone being so happy and all... Yet its kinda depressing to see the absolute number that some get I don't know; I'm not the type who's been really easy to make friends. I have a bunch of close friends, and that's about all I guess. I look at how people like Johno make friends and I don't know how anyone can actually keep up with that many people...

I guess it's also probably why I don't have so many friends. Part of the problem is that I would always choose a friend I can always depend on over sheer numbers. And that guiding principle has probably been why I don't subscribe to things like Facebook or Friendster or whatever. I would rather have people I know and love than run around trying to keep up with a hundred other friends. That's not what a friend should be at all.

Anyways... what with all the present giving and things, it's always kinda depressing for me. Sucks being short of cash eh... I can't buy things like iPods or 250GB hard drives. Usually the only thing I give to people is probably a happy birthday. Sad eh.

Even so, after concentrating on deepening my already present relationships, I still can't run away from the fact that I'm still alone in this world. No matter what, we're still going to drift apart, especially after we leave this school. It's already happened once; I don't see why not again. No one's going to follow me through life. No one's going to be there by my side, whether I like it or not. Sucks to be alone too...

Growing up is really really hard. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes it's just not worth to start friendships just to see them end. It's true, you know. I feel too much. I think too much. And I imagine scenarios of things to come, way too much.